Dear cars123,
I am so very, very sorry your family is in the situation you describe. It is really just heartbreaking. Wish I had some profound insight to share, but sadly I lack such wisdom. Do you think professional help with a Family Therapist would be helpful? I have heard that there are family therapists who specialize in complex family difficulties but I have had no personal experience in this area.
My apologies for being unable to be helpful to you. Hopefully others will prove more helpful. My heart goes out to you and your whole family!
Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen