Thread: Nervous Tics
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Alatea
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Member Since Feb 2020
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Default May 15, 2020 at 05:21 AM
 
Hey cptsdwhoa,
I am going through something similar as you are. I am actively facing the consequences of the repetitive trauma I suffered when I was a child, and this active process has been going on for 17 months now, but it has been 3,5 years in total, since I first started suffering from trauma-related symptoms.
I had eye and nose twitches and blinks since June last year, aggravated when thinking about things I found unbearable to think and to feel. I also had terrible headaches on the right side, and I had and still have really troubling and sometimes debilitating pains in my pelvic region, that spread across my groin area to hips and lower back. I know these are all somatic, because the resolution of certain thoughts and emotions alleviates them.
I do not have as much twitches in my face any more, and it coincided with my depersonalization subsiding. For 3,5 years I was dissociated a lot, and seriously depersonalized for chunks of time, often several months in a row. This last depersonalization spell lasted since January, as I was badly triggered at the time. However, it lifted completely beginning April, and I do not feel depersonalized for more than a month now, and suffer less from twitches. I think the twitches stopped with yet another realization and resolution of a certain emotion that I was able to articulate and to express out loud in confronting one of the people I hold responsible for some of the trauma I survived (as enabler).

However, my pelvic pain is getting worse by the day, and I find it hard to stand up some days, but it lasts only for an hour most, and can happen a few times during the day, and the difference between being in pain and not being in pain is sudden, and drastic, as when the pain starts I honestly feel I want to die, as it is excruciating. Still, my experience so far has shown me that it takes a lot of self-care work, and that it is possible to get out of the pain and other uncomfortable bodily sensations. I know my body is giving me clues as to where I should focus my attention to right now.
I found that physical activity helps me - I make sure that I walk every day at least half an hour. However, what proved to help me most were some body movements that I have almost forgotten I am capable of, like rollerblading or rollerscating - you know these activities that make you feel as if you are using your whole body, and you get some kind of rush from it, as when we were children? It goes for even more static activities (than rollerblading), such as engaging in the game of billiard or darts, or something that is an activity where body has to have coordination to achieve some precision. It feels as if my attempt to maintain balance and precision, as well as the rush from such activity, do something very positive to my general feeling of connectedness to self.

Besides body movements, I found that talking about the stages of healing (not necessarily of trauma any more, as I do not want to traumatize people around me any further with details - even though it was kind of necessary at one point, as I could not hold back), as well as articulating verbally one's thoughts, feelings and sensations with precision, makes me feel grounded. If it is mentionable, it is managable
Take care, and know that you are not alone on this road.

A.
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