But maybe I’m scared to ask for help. Maybe I just don’t want to?

I have a Xanax problem. It started in 2018 when my doctor prescribed me Xanax twice a day as needed. I didn’t realize the bottle said “as needed” I thought it literally said to take it twice a day. Since then I haven’t been able to stop. I sometimes take one a day. Sometimes 3. Twice 4. I take it for anxiety but also for emotional and physical pain. Basically the second I feel anything I immediately think of the Xanax.

I will be having surgery and I have a fear of getting addicted to pain pills.

I also have traits of an ED although everyone tells me I have an actual ED but I don’t really believe them. But it’s gotten more intense during the lockdown.

I am worried about talking about it. Does anyone have any suggestions? I don’t want my doctor to fire me since I’ve heard he has done it before with other people.