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Originally Posted by CTFarmboy
Sometimes doing everything you can think of is not enough. I'm going to go out on a stretch here and say you probably don't have a great deal of friends. Right? I say that because you seem to be really down on yourself and I can see you quite easily distancing yourself from others due to low self esteem.
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Yes. I was always a bit of a loner in my school days. It wasn't until a year or so into my first job that I came out of my shell a bit. I never really learned to love myself or to accept myself either. I always have to be told I did well, because I'm not sure sometimes.
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Some of the most successful people in life got there by channeling strengths of their friends and getting good advice as well.
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When I was a child, I always wanted to be a writer. I would try telling my parents, but their response would be along the lines of to find something a bit more realistic. Add to that, in the 4th grade they enrolled me in some Godforsaken Karate course. The teacher was a complete prick who would beat me and others down whenever they got the chance. This isn't the army. These are children. My parents said they weren't aware, but they were there watching most of the time. If I was an adult and he spoke to me like that, I would've just told him to eff off and walk out.
I trust nobody right now. Everybody is on probation. It's this fear of failing that keeps holding me back. The bigger I fail or the bigger the heart-break, the harder it is for me to try again.