I was brought up in a household of extreme dysfunction. I'm quite sure plenty of folks can relate. My mother was never sober even from my earliest memory of her.
My mother knew about it, but she refused to acknowledge that, let alone put a stop to it. She depended on my father for everything, and speaking up about something like abuse would mean she lost her security. Could have been one of the reasons she drank.
So, I reached the age of 17 and moved out. I married at age 19 and blocked both of them out of my life for years. I separated from my spouse after a number of years and made the mistake of contacting my parents again. They were both still just as controlling and demanding and entitled as they always were.
After about a year of being around my parents again, my mother was diagnosed with 4th stage liver failure. And, for reasons I can't explain, I took on the position of caring for her. She had a lot of pain. A lot of different doctors that she would see on a weekly basis. I moved in with my parents again for the purpose of caring for her. Under the thumb of my father whom had absolute control over each and every thing I did and said.
By this time I had rekindled a relationship with someone I knew in high school. Unbeknownst to me, he was a raging alcoholic too. It was okay in the beginning, but it quickly changed. He treated me horribly. Degraded me, physically abused me, lied all the time, couldn't keep a job. You get the picture. Very narcissistic.
During this time of living with my father and mother who had both abused me my entire childhood and dealing with a narcissistic partner, I was dragged down to the very depths of the deepest depression I have ever felt.
This situation lasted for five long years until my alcoholic (and now also addicted to prescription pain killers) mother died.
The reason for going into depth about the aforementioned is so you'll better understand my question ..... And that is why did I feel like it was my duty to take care of her for the last years of her life. After all she had put me through, why did I even care? I'm consistently rolling this question around in my head. I've not been able to make sense of myself.