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Revu2
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Revu2 tweak
 
Member Since: Aug 2013
Posts: 807
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Default Jun 23, 2020 at 10:35 AM
 
As regular viewers of This Tangle Called My Life know, I'm in an intense battle with the mayor of my fair city (with my client). Yesterday its rumored that the mayor lied in a press conference and said she had an agreement with us on her terms. I'll spare the details but there's no agreement, as in, a document signed by her and us.

Along the way in back office meetings with city staff, a particular item was initially "on the table" then at our insistence withdrawn. Near the end of the talks I I asked about it to make sure I was going forward with that agreement in place. The mayor's rep said to my face, "X was never part of this discussion." I suspected he was lying, and now she shows he was.

I'm angry at him for lying in my face.

Now a curious thing sometimes happens. I express this anger congruently with tone and posture, and people I'm talking take up what? Support me? Or implicitly support this absent third person by tossing up theories about why he lied. I've learned to say, "you're defending a liar? When did you become his spokesperson? Leave him to defend himself." But this conversation distracts from the main work and leaves me doubtful of the values of the person defending a liar.

Clearly there's a slippery preference being tested: supporting me in my moral outrage is LESS important than dulling my anger.

I'll be damned. I don't want his lying explained, it want the truth from him. As I do everyone. My default is everyone speaks the truth. What comes for anyone's mouth is 100% their responsibility. Should their boss ask them to lie, they have their choice to make. He made his.

Here's the thing. My Anger is my Shield—my early warning system. Anytime I have anything to do with the liar an inner sentry whispers "this man lies." Now if I take this sentry off duty and whisper instead, "have compassion. He grew up in a den of liars. Why, his mammy and pappy were the best liars in three counties. It's not his responsibility what he says and does" I'm left Wide Open to More Lies. This is never good for me because when will the abuse end and what will they steal or destroy of mine in the process?

So this morning I resolved to say very calmly, "hm, he lied to me. Looking me in the eye. How about that?" And leave out my Anger-Shield-Sentry because it's enough I know at least one person in the world he will take advantage of if I don't take it personal—me.

Revu2

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