I'm just going to start writing. Just consider a huge trigger warning to apply to all of this.

TRIGGER WARNING

I started smoking weed in high school, right before I turned 18. I've smoked off and on since then. Mostly through college, then rarely until meeting my current boyfriend. I don't believe that I've abused weed, and that's the only reason why I still smoke. But I didn't start this to talk about weed.

In college I started abusing pseudoephedrine. I used it all the time, I didn't eat, I didn't sleep. I spent close to a year doing that. I don't remember why I quit, but eventually I did.

I drank a lot, starting in college. I've done so much while drunk that I never would have otherwise. I was assaulted, I cheated, I had one night stands with random men, I drove everywhere drunk, sometimes blacked out. I was a terrible person when I drank.

My boyfriend and I used to play around with drugs, until last year. We've shared an addiction to cocaine, and used it whenever we could. A few years ago we started using opiates. Started using pills for pain, then because they were fun. Eventually we started using heroin. For a year and a half we used, but didn't think it was bad because we weren't using daily and we weren't getting sick. But early 2019 I overdosed, twice. The first time we were lucky and had narcan, but the second time he had to call 911 and the police got involved. It was a nightmare. A year long nightmare. That was the night we quit heroin. It's now been a year and 3 months.

Sometimes I feel ashamed of my past, but I know I can't change it, so it's whatever. I'm in treatment now, have been since my overdoses. I was able to get off opiates without meds, which was nice, but sometimes I still have cravings. Like some days I think about asking a coworker who uses if he can sell me anything, but I haven't yet. I jeed to talk to someone about that.

This has gotten long, so I'll stop. Might add more later, not sure yet.