Congratulations on kicking H, what a massive accomplishment and gift to you from you. I was an opiate addict in the late 90s and still had a few cravings into maybe 2004 or so, then, it all stopped. Tried buprenorphene, but I don't think it really did a thing for me. Since you don't like 12 step stuff, i do not have any cousel for you, other than to never use heroin or opiates of any kind again. I have lost a friend who was clean for years to it recently. He went back out and OD'd on his first fix. Dead. 26 years old. Bam. The other guy was a much closer friend, polysubstance stuff, mostly coke and alcohol Dead at 51 . Professor at Harvard. Very successful, brilliant, well-off money-wise. All the ladies dug him, very handsome and very charming and witty and just a lovely, lovely man with a sweet heart. But none of that could save him. Total fu***ng waste of talent.

I suspect you and I have a similarly bad underlying addiction tendency. It has always been my belief that, were I to relapse again, and it has been 12 years now, I would almost certainly die. That is the kind of addiction I have. I know that and it helps keep me straight. So far, anyway.

I hope you can stay clean. Life is beautiful. Flowers, children, puppies, mountains, love, novels, movies. Food. Family and friends. Sending you support and love. Keep doing what you are doing. It is working.