Hi @1imaan1, and a warm welcome to Psych Central.

Yes, I fully understand the feelings building up inside of you, and I just want you to know, it's very common to feel hurt and even angry, when people say things that humiliate us. It's good of you to reach out here and let those feelings out - unburden yourself. Because it's hard carrying around a lot of pain all the time, I know, I go through very similar things.

I see you're not interested in therapy because of trust issues - understandable - so, maybe try looking into ways that help you to just 'let go'. That's what I practice, the 'letting go'. It helps me. Something negative happens and then I feel and perceive the ill-feelings and ill-thoughts washing over me, I start feeling awful and not in control, confused (for me) and so that's when I must let it go. Put a stop to it! Because regardless of what has caused it - and those situations may happen time and time again, anyway - the mental process is inside of us. The darkness grows inside of us (speaking for myself).

I think things like DBT and Mindfulness will be good for you in this respect 1imaan1. There are a lot of websites and also YouTube videos about DBT and Mindfulness. Because it's all about how we process things within the mind, friend.

Feel very welcome to share anything on this site because there are a lot of members here who understand and who are going through very difficult things as well. That's why I like it here.

Hugs to you.