I am so sorry for your pain, Rosewater. I also have bp depression pretty badass at times. Multiple S attemtps in the past, all failed, fortuntely. I do not do that anymore, because it is not a solution to the problem. I really think you should try to spend some time here on this forum and interact with people who suffer from the same issues. You will find support here. People will love you. I don't know you, but I alreaady love you. Truly, I do. Please do not take a permanent step to a temporary problem.

There is a way to ship good antidpressants into Honduras. You could probably even get ketamine, if we just worked at it a bit. So, do not give up. ECt works great for some folks. Great. Hang in there. People here will love you. Love and hugs!!!!!!!!!!