You know, I don't know if I'm good at my field because I'm new to it still. I have the academic knowledge, but I don't have the practical experience yet. I'm also not very confident. So it comes down to if I feel good at what I do and if other people seem to agree that I'm good at what I do.

In many social situations, I feel held back that my real and core self is unacceptable to others and I have to play a character or a different version of myself. For years, I did not even have a personality. When I was finally in an environment (a school I used to work in) that gave me positive feedback for having a personality, I actually began to have a personality again (at least on a more regular basis), but that was the point that my significant other began to pull away from me. I don't know if there's a direct correlation, but I also can't rule that possibility out. And then there is the whole gender thing...I just feel like I can't truly be myself around others because who I am is not acceptable to enough people in the US yet. In a purely social environment, I'm not sure how to interact with others when I'm inferior and different. It just gets tiring pretending to be someone I'm not and I really don't feel safe to be myself (referring to personality) until people have been deemed safe. How can I take that risk sooner?