I bought heroin and it doesn't let me cancel my order.

The reason that I want to cancel my order is because I think of my dad. I did it in spite of my mom because she continues to neglect me when my mental health is really bad.

My dad is the only thing grounding me.

I told my mom about the last time I ordered heroin and she threw it away after it arrived. But I don't care about what she thinks anymore because of her drinking, reckless behaviour and manipulation of me.

I ordered it because of her but I can't blame other people right? I have to blame myself. The fact that I'm suffering and can't even leave my room without having to deal with all of the ********.

I called my therapist last week and she was setting me up with supports but it seems hopeless. I just want the mental pain to go away.