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Naynay99
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Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 651
5 yr Member
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Default Jul 21, 2020 at 06:53 AM
 
Hey. Haven’t posted in a long while, figured I would give it a go and see if it helps any. I am losing my mind. I have forgotten how to sleep. Anxious and depressed and hopeless and lonely and scared and pissed off emotions exploding inside my brain.

But the insomnia is killing me. All I want is some temporary unconsciousness and oblivion. Ugh. First my sleep cycle just went upside down (awake at night, sleeping all afternoon) and now I am just not sleeping at all.

Fcking covid pandemic. I am one of the lucky ones on the high risk list. Trying to decide if I should go back into school come September. I have like one week to make a decision on what to do. My dr says no, but still hasn’t filled out the paperwork I asked for. I may have to take a leave of absence. Or maybe I should just say fck it and go back and let chance decide what happens. I don’t think I really care much either way right now...

Idk. I have never felt so alone in my life.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel. No vaccine coming anytime soon. I just don’t see how I fit in this “new normal” post-pandemic world. It’s like all of. a sudden having a medical issue has made me Expendable and obsolete. I know it is depression consuming me, but I think I may have had enough.

I’m just so tired of everything being so damn hard ALL OF THE TIME. I am not sure I want to be here anymore. Idk the point of any of this.

Anyway, this is just me making some noise to see if the universe even notices that I am still here.
Keep fighting the good fight.

__________________
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow’.” -Mary Anne Radmacher
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