View Single Post
MoxieDoxie
Magnate
 
MoxieDoxie's Avatar
MoxieDoxie trust is a myth and caring is a painful lie
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 yr Member
365 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 28, 2020 at 07:41 AM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart View Post
I totally get how painful this kind of obsession is. I experienced something similar many years ago for someone (not a T) who I had a special relationship with but was then cold shouldered.

Ultimately, I found that only focusing my attention elsewhere helped me to move on. I know that probably feels impossible for you because you don't have much to do currently. Could you start a course online or take up a new activity like learning a language or playing an instrument? I'm NOT trying to minimalise your pain, at all. I know how desperate it feels. But I think that analysing your obsession and looking at your ex T's profile and all those things probably only serve to feed into your obsession further at this stage and the answer is to try and focus elsewhere. It will feel impossible to begin with so self-discipline is important. Maybe also try some things that feed your soul - sitting out in the garden/in a park nearby, journaling out your emotions, meditation. I know there's a big gaping emptiness and you feel like you'll die without him - I've been there. It's a horrible form of grief as there's no closure but with any grief it's possible to learn to live with it and manage it without feeling unable to function, it will just take a lot of time and determination to do so.
I have tried finding other things. I emailed a wildlife rehab place but I need pre-rabies vaccines that cost $850 to get and insurance will not cover it unless I was getting them for travel.

I did sign up for a weekend workshop that is virtual in two weeks. I have looked for other things but cant find anything at this moment.

__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
MoxieDoxie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty, Wren Finch