Since it’s gotten to this point and she’s now an adult, it’s too late for the parenting that would have normally happened starting a long time ago. Your husband wasn’t united with you and she became unmanageable. There must have been a lot of issues between your marriage that contributed to her lack of discipline. But what’s done is behind you, so don’t beat yourself up. At this point, you are having to get through a pandemic with an adult daughter in your house being a toxic drain on you.

After life gets back to normal, you can get her to move out, change the locks, and don’t let her back in. I’m sorry and know how heartbreaking this must be for you. Prayers for maybe she will grow up and become a much better person someday soon. 21 is still quite young.