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seesaw
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seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
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Default Aug 01, 2020 at 12:36 AM
 
Thanks, OE.

I'm fortunate that I've found a therapist that I like, which I thought would never happen after I moved and had to leave my old therapist. I want to see a psychiatrist to get a PRN of klonopin but psychiatrists are the ones I mistrust the most. Well, nurses too. Well, all MDs too. I've had to file so many grievances against doctors behaving badly, and I really thought it was just me, but working in healthcare research and actually meeting doctors in a professional capacity, it's not "just me." There is a lot of arrogance, huge lack of respect for patient's rights and many violations of patient's rights, and just overall inappropriate behavior that doesn't contribute to a therapeutic relationship.

It's a challenge because I get triggered reading and doing my work for school, I get triggered in my actual work with providers, and then I just get triggered for no reason, lol. Flashbacks and dissociation have been bad lately. Going through periods when I'm holding on to a thin shred of reality, wondering if what's currently occurring for me is "right now" or this is really 3 years ago or 5 years ago, or some other time.

Of course that couples with my other trauma/PTSD and it just feels like it's getting out of hand a bit. My therapist and I discussed a few months ago that as school ramped up and I continued to expand my work, that I'd probably become more symptomatic. So it's just par for the course, in a way, I guess.

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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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