I am not in AA so I might be totally missing the boat but... what part does ex-t play in your recovery through AA. It sounds to me (and please excuse me if I am totally off) that you are substituting a very real, very harmful relationship that became an addiction to ex-t with an addiction to her memory and holding onto the ghost of her. Hanging onto “ghosts” of people I have way too much experience with and it gets in the way of forming new relationships.