Thank you for sharing your struggle. I wish there was something I could suggest that would set you on the right path toward healing. But I don't think there is.

You mentioned having seen several doctors it sounds like. I don't recall you mentioning if you've tried working with a mental health therapist though. Might that be something you could try? (I don't know how mental health services are provided in your country.) Under any circumstances, hopefully being here on PC can be of some comfort & support to you. Best wishes...