Relapse. Was in AA but don't think that is for me. Been in/around for near 19 years always miserable. The god thing is irritating and I don't and won't and can't believe he exists. New revelations of things that have happened that I don't remember but found things in my writing that tell me at some time I did remember and my mind just pushed them back away again. Theres no fn way I can or will do AA again or have anything to do with god if he even exists.