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Skeezyks
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Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
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Smile Aug 17, 2020 at 02:05 PM
 
Thanks for sharing your struggle. Reading your post brought back a memory from my late teenage years (many decades ago) I'll share with you.

I won't go into a lot of detail with regard to this. But, suffice it to say I was bullied both verbally as well as physically starting in junior high school & continuing throughout my four years of high school. Everyone knew what was going on (including my parents.) But nobody cared. When one of my bullies beat me up, breaking my nose, I got blamed for it. And by the time I was out of high school I was already deeply depressed except that, way back then, mental health issues (including depression) were neither recognized nor treated. So even I myself didn't really understand what had happened to me.

Around that time (while I was still living with my parents) I have this vague memory of my mother coming to my bedroom one evening & asking me what was wrong. Of course I had no real idea myself. And I think I spouted off some nonsense about the state of the world or some such thing. I have no memory, now, of what my mother may have said in reply. And it really doesn't matter. But the thing is, although I have to give her credit for even trying, the fact is the sudden spark of concern she showed me that evening was so too late as to be laughable if it had not been so sad... too little, too late as the saying goes.

Dr. Jonise Webb, who writes on the subject of Childhood Emotional Neglect, has a questionnaire in PC's archives that one can use to assess whether or not one may have experienced CEN growing up. As I recall, from reading through the questionnaire myself, there are 23 questions. I honestly felt I could answer yes to all 23. I recall having replied to another of your posts. And I don't know if I perhaps provided you with a link to that questionnaire. But just in case not, here it is should it be of interest:

The Emotional Neglect Questionnaire

Anyway that's the memory your post brought back. I hope that, in some way, you can still find a pathway forward toward a new more satisfying life; & that being here on PC can be of some comfort & support to you along the way. Best wishes...

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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Thanks for this!
WovenGalaxy