This could probably go in the relationship forum too, but I think it's more tied to anxiety...

I'm 32 and have only had one serious relationship and I remember thinking during that it was my only shot at being in a relationship in my life and considering it's been over two years since we broke up and I haven't even gone on a date, I guess I wasn't wrong.

I have a lot of anxiety when I think about the huge possibility that I'll never find anyone willing to date me again or even to be physically involved with me again. Being single right now doesn't bother me so much, it's just the idea that I'll always be single and may end up having to be celibate through the last of my "younger" years when there's so much I've wanted to explore sexually. And no, I don't want one-night stands with strangers...I would much rather be with someone I can trust to not make fun of what I look like or make me feel bad about myself or hurt me in some other way.

The anxiety that this (going to work and then spending all my down time home alone) is going to be the rest of my life takes up a lot of headspace. I have no idea how anyone in a rural area like me would find anyone though. I've been online and haven't really had any luck.

I guess there's also the anxiety that I have a horrible personality or I'm uglier than I thought. Or that I'm ultimately unlovable because I'm transgender (one of the many reasons I've always been afraid to transition...it'll just make me uglier and more unlovable).

There's also the whole, I've gotten used to not having human touch or closeness or emotional support in my life and the longer it is before that happens again, the more uncomfortable I will be having any sort of intimacy physical or emotional. Not being ignored and actually being seen is abnormal to me.

I don't know, I can't tell anymore if I'm more anxious about getting close to people and possibly being "seen" or staying invisible my whole life.