Hello everyone,

I’m having a lot of shame regarding the porn I’ve need watching and habits I’ve been keeping... they’re so difficult to break.

I started watching porn at a young age... I’m 30 now and I’ve noticed my porn went from fairly ‘innocent’ topics to quite taboo. It caused a lot of shame for awhile, now I’m a bit desensitized. I think about porn all of the time. If I’m not watching porn, I’m sexting with strange men, (trading photos, videos, etc)... I need more and more taboo things to keep me satisfied. Just a moment ago, I watched porn and got off extremely hard but then I had a huge panic attack, I’m still trying to calm down from it. It’s that feeling of no control and I absolutely despise it and it terrifies me to death. I used to get panic attacks OFTEN and I ended up in the hospital a few times because I was so revved up, I feared I’d hurt myself or others, if that makes sense. (I don’t WANT to cause any harm to anyone!) I haven’t felt that way in so long, so tonight really scared me.... all over porn and shame. The feeling of no control because I’m trying so hard not to watch it and it just makes me crave it more. I’m completely alone in my house. I locked my door out of fear I’d hurt myself feeling as amped up as I did, but it was just anxiety. But why? How do I stop? How do I feel less ashamed? What are my underlying issues that Im struggling so hard? This hasn’t happened in so long and this masturbation/porn thing is incredibly new to me.

I’m so confused, lost, scared and paralyzed... that feeling of inadequacy honestly but I signed up on here and was hoping I could get feedback.

Thank you for reading this awfully winded post, I appreciate it.