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nikon
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Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: Closet
Posts: 842
5 yr Member
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Default Sep 13, 2020 at 09:21 AM
 
I'll try to be succinct....

I've been friends with a couple for the past 4-5 years but this year I fell out with one in particular and by default, the other. What led to that was the one person emotionally dumping on me constantly and her behaviour being extremely triggering in terms of self-harm and drugs (led to a huge depressive episode for me). I tried to put up some boundaries (can no longer collaborate with them on a project we were doing, am going to stay away for my own health) and obviously she reacted badly. Her bf didn't react as much and still acted normally towards me kind of.

We've had a couple of interactions since then and she has not taken responsibility for her part in this at all, and he hasn't either - he is defending her. Seeing them in person a few weeks ago was very uncomfortable as they mostly ignored me and didn't even look at me.

Now the boyfriend seems to want to chat again and get things back to normal. I have absolutely no desire to see or talk to either of them again - it doesn't feel like I'm missing anything with not seeing them. Only problem is that I belong to a whatsapp group with the bf and another mutual friend, and that is where he is wanting to reconnect. I'm not sure whether to subtly withdraw from the whatsapp group by not messaging, or just go along with it, or directly tell both of them that I won't be joining them again and why.

I've always found relationships and conflict difficult and this experience of putting up boundaries has often made me feel like I've done something hurtful. We are also in the same larger friendship group and I know that whatever I do will affect my relationships with everyone, and also be gossiped about by the girlfriend.

I'm also asking other people in my life for advice, but I obviously can't really talk to friends about this.
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