My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer somewhere towards the end of August 2019. Through out her whole battle she has suffered for all the wrong reasons and a part of me blames the way the doctors treated her. Her first day of chemo, she got an infection where her port was (to transfer the chemo into her) because the doctors didn't put it in correctly (from what I heard). She was in and out of the hospital constantly and it really took a toll on her. I kept trying to push her to go but she never would. I don't think I realized at the time but I'm pretty sure she was ready to give up. She passed away in April 2020 and it was the hardest thing to hear ever. She was supposed to come home that day from being at the hospital to do hospice care, but she never came. I never got to see her. The day before she passed she called me and said "I don't think I'm gonna make it." and when i tell you i tried my hardest to make she didn't think that way i mean it. I told her she'd be okay and even if she didn't make it it'd still be okay. She wouldn't have to be in pain anymore. I miss her everyday. I just wanna know if she's okay now. She was my only source of support. She was the one to take me to therapy sessions, get my medication, help me finish my classes. She'd give me all the encouragement I've ever needed.

For the first few months I felt numb. I couldn't cry, couldn't talk to my family, I felt like a zombie. I did acid for the first time by myself after she passed and I'm not gonna lie, that did kinda help me release all my emotions. Everything came out all at once and it felt relieving. I still cry about her all the time though. Not a day goes by where I don't think about her, constant dreams too. Idk why i typed all of this. Sorry haha. I guess i just needed to vent and saw an opportunity. Hopefully i can help people feel comfortable with this post.