Bless you. It's really OK to have dreams and fantasies that you want to be true! You could even turn some of these into goals! I know it is really, really difficult being a teenager and having the kind of family struggles you're having. I know it is horribly frustrating, and it might seem like there's no way out of the situation your in, and no way to make things better.
Things really will get better for you. You're bound to gain lots of independence over the next few years.
What is it about your world that you really need to change? It is hard, but you can change your life, and change your world, and find your place in the world; it does just take time.
It is OK to cry, too, and it is OK to think about death. It isn't weird at all, and it's brave of you to talk about it. Just remember that your thoughts are NOT FACTS. Nobodies thoughts are all clear and factual. It's good to explore your thoughts. It's normal to be scared of death, and it might be that, if you were able to really care for yourself, then you would have less morbid thoughts.
Lots of change happens very quickly at your age, and it is difficult to negotiate. It's great that you are sharing and asking questions