Hey Naosky,

Awww thank you Scotland is gorgeous. The scenery is just stunning. My city is full of history dating back to like 1300's if not longer. Apparently the legends say William Wallace came to a private school in my city. We will never know lol. I love Loch Lomond though that's stunning was meant to be there st the start of November but the joys of Covid-19 huh.

I have been suicudal for years but always manage to save myself. I have a support team from the local Community Mental Health Team in this team I have a Psychiatrist, Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN), Community Support Worker (who is discharging me i think on Friday) and a Peer Support Worker. They all work in the same building and should communicate but don't. Don't even read each other's notes. My Psychiatrist did not know I have been med free since April 2020. Everyone else did who work with me. I have waited over a month for a Depot Injection for Aririprazole to be approved by a board through the local health board NHS. As its being used as both an Mood Stabliser and an Anti-Psychotic. I got the injection on 19th November. So we'll see if this makes a difference in my mood. Being suicidal is really rubbish. I do pay privately to speak to a Therapist. She too knows everything as well I'm honest (eventually).

I'm what they call med non-compliant. But I'm now willing to try anything. The longest I manage on meds is roughly 4-6 months then I'm off them. This time 7 months is the longest I have been off them. I currently have to take 10mg Aririprazole daily for 1 month then I will be oral free and just receiving the depot. I think the depot was 400mg. My CPN made it up and stuck me [emoji852] I was really anxious but I did it.

I would say all your responders are right. Its a journey we are all on and a different journey for each and every single one of us. Even if we have the same diagnosis Bipolar 1 you and I would be massively different.... environmental factors, life factors, genetics, predispositions, health care we receive, experiences of mental health you have had, witnessed and heard of etc etc list is endless

Hope your OK though, and your wee girl is keeping you busy [emoji2] just remember there are people who you can talk to on here ok [emoji2]