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Originally Posted by NaoSky
Thank you for you for reading and your response!! I’m really hoping for a better day soon so I can live it up, for sure! I’ve been depressed since July and have actually been teaching high school. I had zero belief that I could teach, but somehow I have managed for the last 4 months. It gives me some hope that I can keep my job with this disorder. I’m not 100% hopeful, but so far I’ve made it. I just don’t know what else to do with my life. I’ve been a teacher for 10 years. I never wanted to do anything else. I’m not sure if my marriage will last and my husband told me that he cannot support me if I lose my job... so I fight like hell to keep going despite how I feel. I keep thinking the routine will help me get back to normal, but I really don’t know what normal will feel like.
So even with all of the medication you take, the stable days aren’t there everyday? I thought the medication is supposed to help us but I feel like so many take so much and still don’t feel normal. I only take lithium and don’t want to add anything else. I tried a few things and nothing helped. I know it can take years to figure out the cocktail, but I have so much fear about adding anything else. I feel better knowing I just take one. I also stopped the sleep meds because they stopped working. I sleep the same amount with or without them.
Thank you, I’m trying to be patient with myself. I was mad for awhile because I can’t sleep... but I had to learn to adjust and accept only getting 3-4 hours. I think I may have gotten 5 this week once or twice.
Yes I will check in here often. It has helped knowing I’m not alone in this..... maybe we will live long enough for them to come up with an actual cure!!
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Oh man, it can be freaking tough keeping a job through all the lows [and bad highs]. I’m super lucky that I have an amazing boss who knows what I go through and is super supportive. Looking back though, I still have no idea how I managed to keep my job through the past three years. There were many days I thought I would have to resign due to my brain. Shear grit and determination haha.
Just in the past month, I finally gave in and applied for intermittent FMLA and it was approved. Now I wish I had applied sooner. I hope to not use it, but it will make me feel so much less guilty when I have to call off on the worst of the days. Maybe something you could look into?
And yes, “normal” is an interesting concept haha. My entire sense of normal has changed. My new normal however, is much more raw and deep and more covered in gratitude than it ever was before. I’ve grown to be crazy grateful for the days that resemble “normal.”
Meds: man, for me it’s been a journey. Yes- most days over the past 3 years I have not felt stable, despite taking all my meds. Tweaking dose here, changing med there with pdoc every 1-3 months. Thankfully I have an amazing psychiatrist. My biggest recommendation: speak up for your needs. If you aren’t feeling right, tell them. If a med isn’t working right, tell them. You are your biggest advocate.
I used to feel like you and only want one med (if any). I now know that isn’t feasible for me personally. Everyone is different though. (I do know people who are pretty stable on just one med.) I’m sensitive to meds and still have a big fear of med changes. But I’m so grateful I gave in and worked with my pdoc to do a total med change this last time, cuz now it is the best I’ve felt in years. [And my job is SO much easier as a result!!] There are sooooo many different med options and combinations and each works slightly differently for each individual... hoping you find the meds that work the best for you my friend <3
Sending you lots of love and good thoughts
💫💕✨