Oh man, it can be freaking tough keeping a job through all the lows [and bad highs]. I’m super lucky that I have an amazing boss who knows what I go through and is super supportive. Looking back though, I still have no idea how I managed to keep my job through the past three years. There were many days I thought I would have to resign due to my brain. Shear grit and determination haha.

Just in the past month, I finally gave in and applied for intermittent FMLA and it was approved. Now I wish I had applied sooner. I hope to not use it, but it will make me feel so much less guilty when I have to call off on the worst of the days. Maybe something you could look into?

And yes, “normal” is an interesting concept haha. My entire sense of normal has changed. My new normal however, is much more raw and deep and more covered in gratitude than it ever was before. I’ve grown to be crazy grateful for the days that resemble “normal.”

Meds: man, for me it’s been a journey. Yes- most days over the past 3 years I have not felt stable, despite taking all my meds. Tweaking dose here, changing med there with pdoc every 1-3 months. Thankfully I have an amazing psychiatrist. My biggest recommendation: speak up for your needs. If you aren’t feeling right, tell them. If a med isn’t working right, tell them. You are your biggest advocate.

I used to feel like you and only want one med (if any). I now know that isn’t feasible for me personally. Everyone is different though. (I do know people who are pretty stable on just one med.) I’m sensitive to meds and still have a big fear of med changes. But I’m so grateful I gave in and worked with my pdoc to do a total med change this last time, cuz now it is the best I’ve felt in years. [And my job is SO much easier as a result!!] There are sooooo many different med options and combinations and each works slightly differently for each individual... hoping you find the meds that work the best for you my friend <3

Sending you lots of love and good thoughts
💫💕✨