Woke up feeling down and pissed off. Gradually lifted.

Felt down at work. Anxiety over a combination of 2 issues: The first is my girlfriend - we recently broke up (my fault) but now I desperately want to get back with her; and the second is uncertainty over my work contract, which there is a chance won't be renewed this year, due to my organisation's cost-cutting. I did speak to one of the senior managers about this mid-morning and the things he said alleviated my concerns to a degree, but I’m still worried. A lot of people in my organisation are worried about their jobs at the minute.

Afternoon was similar. Just generally very down. Checked to see if my ex wanted to have dinner tonight or tomorrow but she said she’d be back from her work too late. Still unsure how this whole thing will play out with her. A lot of uncertainty at the minute. I told myself at lunchtime that whatever happens, things will turn out OK in the end. I do think they will, and this helped me relax a little.

I’ve decided that in the event my (ex)girlfriend doesn’t want to continue or my contract doesn’t get renewed (or both things happen!), I’m going to go back on Paroxetine. Life will be too hard without it. I'd prefer not to go back on it, but I’m looking at it as a safety net, should things go south.

Got home and managed a good rowing workout which I was pleased about. Then had porridge and Snickers for dinner. Evening was much better than the daytime. Rowing session, hearty dinner, getting some tasks done, a bit of piano – these all helped. Managed to get to bed at 10pm too.