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RiverX · Mar 07, 2009 at 10:47 AM

I'm really pleased this forum has been created, thanks. I also feel lucky to have discovered it early, like it gives me a chance to take the floor.

I was diagnosed as schizoid in winter 06.
I am a warm, sensitive and emotional person - not the normal view a schizoid - how come?

info:
There is a pdoc, Masterson, who teamed up with Ralph Klein and created an approach that understands the personality disorders from the inside, not just from the external behaviour.
They say that each of the disorders have a 'split', and each have their own powerful motivations that are important in thier lives, these are different for the borderline, narcissist, and schizoid. They call this 'intrapsychic structure'.
For the schiz, the split has 2 sides, one side is the 'self in exile', the alienated state that schizoids are more commonly known for, but the other side is called the 'slave - master' relationship. such as..
.. where we lose our boundaries and lose touch with our real selves, and do everything 'for' our other, and we long to have significance, to be recognised. And this can take many different forms... some times getting hooked into abusive relationships, then withdrawing into exile, and resorting to relating in fantasy, 2 opposite polarities of the split.

My story:
For many years of my adult life I spent in 12 step fellowships struggling with an addiction to unhealthy abusive relationships, I felt an eerie pull towards what I knew was unhealthy for me.

It was when I discoverd the term 'intrapscychic structure' that I knew the depths and power of what I was dealing with. The pull towards these relationships had been my impiulse to get what was structured inside me onto the outside where I was trying to 'fix' or resolve it, by trying to heal the relationship, classically eg trying to reason with a narcissistic type.
When I understood this, I felt for the first time, the door was at least open to healing.
However, my search for healing has been treacherously difficult and frustrating. Even the therapy I tried with the Masterson group made me more unwell, tho I believe others would be able to get help there.
Bit by bit, I have found some sort of a path. Just for today, one action at a time, I believe I am healing, and re-connecting with other humans on this planet - without losing myself. I have many slips and screw ups and missed opportunities too.

It is my deepest longing to share this path with others on a peer group basis, or 'wounded healer' basis. Whether that can happen or not, I dont know, but I'm open, or aiming to be open to whats real.

There is more information on:
www.selfinexile.com

riverx