[bizi]

I drank today, guess I am not ready to take care of myself.
bizi

[bizi]

It is an oatmeal day out of town....yum
my weight has not budged ...
At trivia last night Ate half a pizza with jeff.(60 oz of low alcohol beer)

My neck is better just taking time to recover.
I injured it by cracking my neck...sigh
started taking glucosamine chondritin for joint pain.
They are huge pills.



we sat with some friendly people as there were not any other tables there open for us to sit. They were a lot of fun. They are school teachers and win quite often. They have been saving up all of the gift cards that they win to throw a party and invited us to join them it is so nice of them.

They threw a bridal shower party for the bar tender when she was engaged to be married. I went to that. They really went all out for her.
It was so nice to be included.We sat around together in this air conditioned room. Just chit chatting. I could be friends with these women.

I ordered another food box kit to cook 3 meals with all the ingredients and it is due to be delivered on next friday.
I hope they turn out good. I forget what I ordered.

bizi

[bizi]

finished all of the alcohol in the house....trying not to drink this week until friday.
my weight is up 183. Not happy about that. But insanity is hoping for change when doing the same thing.
Eating and drinking equals weight gain...period.
bizi

[bizi]

Had lunch with my sweetheart at sandras health food cafe. Had grass fed beef and cabbage soup and a side of chard. Took half of it home because it was too much food.
Saw a total of 3 clients today so it was a light day.
Well I made it thru the witching hour.(alcohol free)
What helped the most because I worked late and was hurrying to get home so we could eat dinner. Hubby cooked chicken with coconut curry with mixed veggies.
It was so delicious!
I am proud of myself for going to the gym and walking
on the tred mill for 3.1 miles a 5K
Then 10 minutes on the hydro massage bed, it helped with my sore back but I don't think it helped my neck at all. Next time I will avoid the neck area.
So my goal is to be alcohol free thru thursday and then drink on friday at whole foods in the bar while we play trivia. I think I can do this.
Today I had 10 spots frozen off my face, dark spots and bumps( non cancerous areas), strictly cosmetic....They will turn dark colors and form a scab that will in several weeks fall off. I am a MAJOR picker.
This will really really be hard for me to leave them alone.
I may end up cutting all of my fingernails off, I could leave my thumbs intact as I need them for work. Getting ready to watch seinfeld with my sweetie.
All in all it was a great day.
bizi

[splitimage]

The chicken with coconut curry sounds so good. I'm jealous.

Good luck on staying AF until Fri., and at not picking at your face.

splitimage

[bizi]

Originally Posted by splitimage

The chicken with coconut curry sounds so good. I'm jealous.

Good luck on staying AF until Fri., and at not picking at your face.

splitimage

It could be weeks before they turn to scabs...
thanks for the encouragement.a couple of the areas are dark already, she said they could turn black. The areas are really small one the size of a lentil and the other about the size of a lima bean.

bizi

[bizi]

AF tonight.
For lunch I Had sea bass couvillion ( Coo -v-yawn)I think that I spelled it wrong though. That is how you say it.
The fish had many bones and was fishy unlike most sea bass experiences I have had before. Had that over tabouli with chard and coleslaw
good lunch. Ate with a friend so that was good.

Back to sandras to pick up some talapia. I bought 3 pounds of it for $30 that will make 12 servings. That is $2.50 a serving.

For dinner we split a pizza at home tonight. Paul newmans makes one that is lower in calories.
we split one and it is 500 calories each which is not bad for dinner., or pizza for that matter.
I post on a hams site for harm reduction.

They advocate learning to moderate your drinking.
They think my plan is a good one.If I can not drink monday thru thursday. then drink on friday, sounds like a plan. I don't ever see myself not drinking totally.
I went to the local store meat market to pick up pork chops on sale for $1.89 instead of $3.50 a pound. ( that is roughly $1.00 a pork chop)...
So that is a good price.
Filled up my gas tank and ran to the dollar tree to pick up some lotion and nail polish and soap for work.
when I got home hubby was worried about me....he did not know that I was going to do errands too, other than the pork chops.
anyway
I have been on the computer long enough.
my back is sore and my neck is better thankfully, it is going on 2 weeks that I injured it myself cracking it.
sigh
Maybe I will run to planet fitness and just use the hydro bed?
and maybe the bounce machine too.
bizi

[bizi]

Had a good lunch of left over hamburger and chard in veggie soup at sandras cafe which was very good, I hated to let those left overs go to waste so I put them in a tupperware container and put them on a cold pack in my cooler and saw an altzheimers client then went to sandras for lunch.
In the singles area, I ate and I spoke with a man, Ray who is a recent widower and he is very nice and talkative. We talked for over an hour, nice to have someone to talk to at lunch, since our lunch bunch broke up.
I only rarely get to see paula any more, same with Nikko.
After lunch I saw 3 more clients and got home early from work.
The witching hour...I survived and did not stop by fat pats, instead just went home and we had an early dinner of lemon pepper talapia cooked in coconut oil and a cup of veggie soup.
hubby cooked so I cleaned up.
I ran a few errands, took back the bio flex supplement because they were so big it hurt taking them plus I did not like the tast and did not feel that they helped.I did not have a receipt so had to buy something in the store for the store credit. I ended up buying the olay night cream, whip and very soothing going on tonight only on my fore head.
The frozen areas on my face are starting to darken up, she said it could take weeks for the whole process to work. I should have several dark spots removed by then.
I also went to bed bath and beyond to buy an oral B electric tooth brush.
then to the grocery store to get some stamps and steak seasoning for the pork chops for tomorrow nights dinner.
I ended up going to the gym a bit later than I wanted. Walked 3.5 miles on the tred mill so was happy about that, 10 minutes on the hydromassage bed which is a nice reward for walking. Came home to watch seinfeld and then terms of engagement which is very funny.
Filled up my pill container for the day and took my night meds. Checking the forums and will go to bed shortly. I don't have to get up early which I like and get up with out an alarm.
This has been a great day.
bizi

[splitimage]

Sounds like a really nice and productive day.
The food you eat, always sounds so good - much more interesting than my diet.
Congratulations on staying AF.
splitimage

[bizi]

The witching hour came and went with little difficulty.
This week Staying AF was much easier knowing
that I would allow myself to drink friday night at whole foods.
Will be mindful of my dinner choice while there as I am still dieting so I don't want to blow it.
I was back up to 183 last week and have come down to 179. I know this is probably water weight but I am a slave to the scale as I have said repeatedly.
I know that I have an addictive personality.
Food, alcohol, internet.....
extremes are my nature.
lunch today: Chicken salad with nuts and raisins and veganaise. and a side of cooked collard greens with onions.
Saw 3 more clients and was done earlier than normal so I changed shirts and grabbed a container of disinfection wipes/sheets and headed for the carport. Took a broom and swept the ceiling of cob webs. wiped down the ledges and 2 doors which were filthy!!! I even wiped down the tops of the big trash bin and the recycling one too.
It looks so much better and felt good to do some work.
Jeff cooked pork chops using montreal steak seasoning yum! with a side of mixed veggies(brocolli, cawliflower, carrots) and a cucumber tomato salad in a vinegrette from sandras health food cafe. And I had one olive stuffed with feta cheese.
It was delicious!
7pm what to do?
I could go to the gym tonight and walk on the tred mill they say we should do some activity every day. Maybe I could try a different machine? My neck is better and I have to watch my knees and hips as I have arthritis in all 3 areas.
And watch cooking competitions. and use the hydro bed as a reward.
Still having hot flashes but not as bad as before and not as often, am having one right now and that is why I mentioned it.
WEll I had better get moving as I don't want to waste the evening on this computer, trying to be mindful of this.
bizi

well I went to planet fitness again:

elliptical 30 minutes that was hard to do

tred mill 5 incline 15 minutes easy

recumbent bicycle 15 minutes easy
success
no hydro bed wasn't up to it since I just did it last night.
bizi

[splitimage]

Good for you for cleaning, and going to the gym. Way to go on the ellipticle, I can't even manage 3 minutes on that machine.

Congratulations on staying AF.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thank you split!

Our meals come today sometime before 8pm...hoping they come earlier in the day so we can put them in the refrigerator. As we will be gone starting at 5pm for trivia tonight. I might not drink that much as the alcohol really disrupts the bodies ability to lose weight.

Back down to 178 this morning. I was up to 183 last week. I know it is water weight but am still happy with the scale.

And I have not gone to the bath room in 3 days...not good.
I took more mag oxide last night but no go. I am not drinking enough water.
I only have 3 clients today which puts me done early with time to kill right at the witching hour for drinks.
Last night I told jeff that we need to clean something in the house a little bit each day because the house needs it.

He agreed.
We sill see if this works or not.
I am getting ready to take a much needed shower.
Have a great weekend my friends.
bizi

[bizi]

Ate too much and drank too much, jeff drove home.
I don't remember trivia....
sigh
bizi

[splitimage]

I'm sorry bizi,

Hope you feel better today. Drink lots of water.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thanks split I will drink more water today.

I feel fine this morning so that is good.
Getting ready to have lunch at chris' po boys.
I am getting my hair done today.
It is supposed to rain, if it doesn't then we will go to art walk tonight.
We will make one of the dinners tonight.
This was the cheap one, $25 dollars for 6 meals. We don't like the fact that everything is just all mixed up. It is not separated like the last one. and not as fresh looking either....you get what you pay for.
bizi

[bizi]

WE cooked the first of 3 meals:
sausage with pasta dish it was very good.
It had red peppers and cream cheese and diced tomatoes, chopped onion, garlic parmesan cheese.
WE both liked it, There are left overs.
tomorrow we go to a pool party but I will not be in a bathing suit
...nope not going there.
Art walk was tonight. Saw alot of interesting work.
My feet got tired I was in new shoes and had not broken them in...I need to see if I can get them stretched. They are leather so I should be able to.
A couple of beers and a couple of glasses a wine...not too bad.
Getting ready to have some pop corn and a fudge bar only 40 calories!
My hands are so swollen , my fingers are like sausages...very uncomfortable.I can barely move my wedding rings. Wonder what that is about.
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[bizi]

I call myself an alcoholic (I say I have an addictive personality: food, alcohol , internet) but don't want anyone else to call me that. Maybe I feel it is a judgement on their part, judging me.
I don't want to be judged.
I already feel ashamed of a behavior, when I choose to drink and drive. Usually I have only had a few and I am very close to home 5 blocks, neighbor hood blocks, 25 miles per hour blocks.
I am embarrassed by how much weight I have gained. I look in the mirror and wonder who is this woman????
anyway.
I wonder if this rings true to other people who suffer with addictions?

lunch today was a mix up of healthy food and not so healthy food.
I was on the north west side of lafayette, scott LA. Home of the best boudin balls in the area. So I had to stop for one but ended up ordering 2, one regular and one pepperjack cheese. they were both delicious! After that I went to sandras health food cafe and had a piece of veggie quiche.

For dinner I Had a good meal tonight of chicken fahitas the 2nd meal from the food box meals. tomorrow is sweet and spicy chicken teryaki over rice.

I passed the witching hour for beer, small cravings when I saw hubby having one.
I have said that I was not going to drink until friday when we go to pensicola for a quick trip for 2 nights. It is kinda like a last hurrah before hubby goes back to teaching, and to celebrate our wedding anniversary which is the 24th.
We made it to 22 years!
So I still have time to think of some gift for him.
I am terrible at gift giving.

After dinner I went to planet fitness and walked on the tred mill for 75 minutes. 60 of which were on a 5% incline. I went 3.5 miles, and actually sweat a bit. Then rewarded myself with 10 minutes on the hydro message bed.

I am a bit hungry maybe have a fudge bar for 40 calories.
I am missing seinfeld but will catch the second one at 10pm.
my neck is a lot better about 80%. don't know if it my arthritis or
muscular, probably both.
All in all I saw 3 clients today and had another area frozen off of my fore head it did not take.. Last monday I had 10 areas frozen....dark sun spots from the sun.
I am considering have more cosmetic surgery, light therapy maybe laser. My face is riddled with scars from acne and rosacea spider veins on my checks I still deal with acne.. I hate my complexion.
Will see, it is expensive!

Hubby says to do it.
He is a good man and am very lucky to be married to him
bizi

[splitimage]

Bizi,

I struggle with the term alcoholic. I am one, but I don't like the term. I prefer the medical Dx - substance use disorder. Too many negative connotations around the word alcoholic. That's one of the things I like about Women for Sobriety - they never use the word. Their statement 1, is "I have a life threatening problem, that once had me. I now take charge of my life and well being. I accept the responsibility." Much more positive in my view.

Well done on the exercise front, you're doing infinitely better than me on that front.

Your food descriptions always make me hungry. You eat so many different things. I have a very boring diet.


Good luck on staying AF until Fri. I think that's a good goal.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thank you so much for reading and for your support split.
I like your version of substance use disorder. That is what I think is on my medical record. Except mine says chronic substance use disorder.
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

Took a shower!!!!!!
Left over Cabbage soup for breakfast, 3 cups of coffee.
lunch was veggie lasagna from sandras with swiss chard.
mid afternoon I snacked on some almonds and took a caffeine pill.
dinner was the last of the meal box. sweet and spicy stir fry chicken teriyaki .
It took the longest time to cook about 45 minutes.
It was very good.
had 2 pieces of dark chocolate for desert
but was feeling like that was not enough so I had a fudge bar.
oh rats I am having more hot flashes today have had 3 when I had not had any in quite a while. I really thought I was done with that part. guess not....
My hands are glistening as I type.
I intended to do some paper work but that did not happen.
Maybe I can get up early and do some in the morning.
It is possible that I could do this!
I remained alcohol free as per my goal until friday
when we go to pensicola florida for a couple of days.

Saw 4 clients....great day!
bizi