[bizi]

Good morning,
well
it is difficult to come out with the words....
and typing is slow.
We won't know until tomorrow if marysue needs to have surgery.

jeff will fly home for a few days for that.
Really bad timing but life happens.
I am wondering how long the zyprexa will stake to work?

it is 3 years old.

The on call doctor said he wanted to hear from me today...
to see how I was doing.....

I have laundry to do today too....and billing and charting!
bizi

[bizi]

just got off the phone with the on call dr. diggs.
I am to take visteril 50mg 2-3 times a day for agitation.(I am extremely impatient and easily agitated ) I just took 50mg of visteril.
Zyprexa should be ready for pick up at 4pm.
The pharmacist said that she did not think that there was any effictiveness to the 20mg of zyprexa that I took last night....sigh
I see Robin my therapist tomorrow at 2pm.....
I am supposed to call dr. diggs after I see her.
Am waiting to hear back about marysues possible surgery .....early this week....
If Jeff flies home that will leave me alone....
my friend kay thinks the zyprexa is going to take 3 days to bring me down.
I am to start working again wednesday.
It is 3;30 and I need to go pick up my zyprexa from the pharmacy, they are open until 4pm.
bizi going to some friends house for dinner....I forgot we are doing that.

[bizi]

I forgot we are going to some friends house for dinner.
A friend made me some corn bread, texted and she is going to drop it off at our friends house. at 6 pm.
I should not be drinking while taking these heavy meds but I am....
bizi

[bizi]

got to bed at midnight,
Did not sleep well because of the zyprexa and restless legs from it.I know that I did eventually get some sleep just don't know how much.
I got out of bed this morning at 10:30am
Got ready and we went to lunch at this place we like called dwights.
I got pork steak and dirty rive and potato salad was good took some home because I was full.
Hubby is having health issues for the past 2 weeks.
He got a crown a while ago and it has been painful ever since. also keeping his mouth wide open for 2 hours effected his TMJ.
Hoping he goes to see the dentist...some sort of condition, he has been massaging the jaw so it is some better so that is good.
He wasn't going to eat at lunch but forced him self to eat.

Said he feels better.
He does not have a fever so that is good.
Said he was going to lie down.

I leave to see Robin(my therapist) in Half an hour.
When we went to our friends for dinner last night, it was very good!
fish and chicken with a hot chilipepper sauce,

I am really going to cut back my drinking tomorrow, mardi gras. and abstain alcohol for lent. I reported the restless legs to the nurse at dr. orazio my pdoc...due to the zyprexa. She called dr. riggs and gave him an update.
he had said to decrease it to 1/2 pill. I said perhaps just take the 5mg in the morning then 5 mg at night....she called back to say that I could do that.
I was going to take some seroquel that I have on hand and told her that she said don't do that.

Jeff has no influence on me(he was to be my brains as robin put it). I drank a lot yesterday and was on the computer a lot yesterday.
Will try to reel it in.
bizi

[bizi]

I am to limit my computer usage.....
until I can get back to sanity.
bizi

[bizi]

Happy Mardi Gras!

I am on the fence as to whether to go or not.
I don't think I need to exposing myself to all of that.
It would be the last hurrah before lent tomorrow.
I had One dog fish head 90 minute IPA to drink

which is like 2 beers and that was all.

I met with Robin yesterday.....
She said I do not present manic. But after talking to me,
yes she believed that I was manic.
So I guess I just have to wait for the meds to work.
I got very little accomplished yesterday.

One load of laundry.
I posted on the forums different ones that I was not posting anymore,
Trying to regain sanity.
Robin asked me what I was going to do.
I said go to the planet fitness and walk on the treadmill.
So that is what I did.
It had been 245 days since I was there 8 months!
I walked for half an hour, 1.25 miles...that was all that I could do.

I took 5mg of zyprexa with lunch yesterday and 10 mg of it at bedtime.
Not because I meant to take 10mg I forgot that I was supposed to take only 5mg.
I am going to look up manic dosing.
This is not a good time to be manic with marysue probably needing surgery.
Jeff said he would call brian, his brother and see how she is doing. I told him he needed to call the nurse.
everything is shut down here because of Mardi gras, and it is just regular work day every where else.
We don't have any food in the house except for some ham and cheese to make a sandwich.
I need to take a shower.

[bizi]

Unfortunately, I am manic and Jeff doesn't think so.
I was able to take a shower, get dressed,do face and hair, I look presentable.
10;30-I took an extra 5mg zyprexa this morning, along with 50mg of visteral.
I threw in the bath rug in the washer, because it had so much hair spray it was sticking to my shoes and almost tripped. It is out of the dryer now. Fresh and fluffy now to clean the rest of the hair spray off the floor.
12;30-
I ate a wonderful ham and cheese sandwich on daves killer bread. It was tasty.
took my noon meds. including 80mg of geodon and 400mg of tegretol. and supplements.
I have texted Robin my therapist today she is very supportive.

Jeffs mom is having surgery tomorrow so he is flying to INDY leaving in the morning.
We are going to board the cat because I can't do dressing changes by my self.
I called Carol My old AA sponsor. We have become friends since I am not doing AA.
And spoke with her, she is willing to be a support person for me. She said that she would come over for dinner at 5pm every night. I am so glad that she is willing to do this for me. She said that I would have that to focus on during the day since I won't be working.
I am in the middle of canceling 13 clients appointments , have to call and reschedule them
and will be off work for the next 7 days. until I see my psychiatrist on next tuesday at 10;20am..March 3rd.
I have billing to do, charting and filing to do. I think I will change my out going message
on my voice mail saying that I will be out of the office until March 4th.
That gives me a week to stabilize.
So, Jeff will be gone from wednesday to sunday. Hattie the Cat with dressing changes is going to vets tonight at 6pm. He just left to meet a friend to go do"Mardi Gras"parades and such.
He put UBER back on his phone, probably because I may not be able to drive him to the airport in the morning. we will see how I am.
I threw away the last 2 truly beers in the fridge and
I will start my abstaining from alcohol today.
This past week I was only drinking 3 beers a night last night I had 1 strong beer.
I was told to limit my computer usage but have not been able to do so.
thank you for reading.
bizi

[bizi]

Talked with hubby tonight. He got in ok to INDY.
Will go see his mom in the hospital....she did well after surgery.
It took 2 people to stand her up so that is not good.
She will have to go to a rehab place once discharged, she will not like that at all.
I have been giving up alcohol for lent for some time now. Same this year.

See how it goes 42 days...think it will be harder this time because I am manic....
This has been a long day. I keep having to remind myself it is wednesday.

I have labs drawn tomorrow morning,
Best buy to take back the phone charger doesn't work.
lunch at sandras, maybe mousaka?
A/C menards come between 2:30 and 4pm for winter inspection.
There is an AA meditation meeting at 5:30
Not sure if I want to go to that. I invited carol over for a ham dinner.
that would be at 6;45.
It is now 9;45pm and I should think about going to bed soon.
Thanks for putting up with my ramblings.....



met a woman there and gave her my number, her name is Nicole.

She is a nurse and was 18 months sober and decided to inject

benadryl and got a blood clot in her arm with damage to the surrounding tissue,
she may lose 3 finger tips. That was 7 weeks ago.

[bizi]

This is what I sent my pdoc:
Dr. Orazio,

Just wanted to update you.
I think I am a bit better today, less manic.
Have been sleeping at least 8 hours every night,
less computer time, not drinking since Sunday (2-23-20).

Have not been working all week, getting errands done.
Will not work until I see you on tuesday morning.
Then I have half days the rest of that week.

I decided that I am not taking any new clients at this time,
was getting too busy.


I get my tegretol level drawn this morning.
And if there is still wiggle room....would like to increase
the dose..that is if we can.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Elizabeth



I did not tell her that jeff is gone until sunday.
I talked to kay this morning.
Need to get going to get my blood level for tegretol drawn at 11;30.

Just took the 5mg of zyprexa and 50mg of visteril right now,
then lunch at sandras.
Then I start on the billing. and the A/C guy comes. I should be able to finish the billing today, I hope.

Wonder how my mil is doing?
My phone is at 5%
need to charge it, have to go to best buy and get a new charger, I also have a car charger so that is good. I have a land line with the fax machine too....need to get going!

[bizi]

Thanks for your support ladies!
4th day alcohol free.
My mental health is not good. I am worse.
Went to another AA meeting this time it was
a meditation one they meet every thursday at 5;30.
I liked the meeting room(it is a churches library with couches and
comfy chairs to sit in) and working class people,
so much better than last nights meeting with swearing from 2 different people.
I don't think I will go back to that one.
I just ignored the religious parts, even so,
who knows, maybe I will have a spiritual awakening?
Have to be careful with my bipolar. After the AA meeting
we went to Bordons ice cream shop the last free
standing one in the world! I had a bowl of chilli
and some mint chocolate chip ice cream it was delicious!
I took my meds and I feel better coming home.
It was difficult driving in the dark. And Very hard concentrating.
So I won't be driving in the dark any more.
I really need to call my psych doctor Dr. Orazio.
If they are going to admit me to a psych hospital
I would rather it be done sooner than later.
Earlier today I wrote to her saying that I was a bit better.
This was not true. Now I am worse.

I feel so bad for Marysue, Jeffs mother is in ICU now with an
exacerbation of her myesthinia gravis=MG
and is on the ventilator following her surgery gastropexy(tack up her stomach).
He arrived in INDY and did not get to see her after surgery yesterday.
Went there this morning to see her and looked awful.

I am supposed to meet a friend who is a social worker tomorrow for lunch at 11:45,
vietnamese place close to my house. so that is goo. then some friends of ours invited me to their house for dinner tomorrow night at 6;30, I will call and ask them to come pick me up because I should not be driving at night.

I am sorry for the long post.
Thank you for reading along with me.
bizi

[bizi]

Thank you
I am over whelmed right now. Jeff is gone till sunday.
slept good last night.
I believe I have developed a dependancey on jeff and am not functioning well by myself.
My friend told me to write down what is going on and to call my pdoc.
This is called a dysphoric mania...not fun.
I just talked to my pdocs nurse charmaine (she called me, tegretol levels are still too low)
and told her how unwell I was.
I discovered she was on vacation flying back.
my tegretol level was still not high enough for a therapuetic dose for some reason.
So she increased the dose in the morning. to 800mg twice a day.
I told her that I could not continue like this.
Felt like vraylar or haldol was needed for acute mania.
I am supposed to have lunch with a friend in 2 hours.
am waiting a call back from charmaine with Dr. Orazio instructions.
I have a bag packed with 3 days clothes and stuff.
It sounds like we are going to increase some meds.....so that is good.
jeff texted and they are just heading out to see their mom whose heart rate is
better and she can nod her head, still on the ventilator and in ICU.

I just asked jeff if he was mad at me? no answer....
sigh
hoping that Dr. Orazio will prescribe something for me.
bizi

[bizi]

Hi friends,
The fine motor involvement may be from the zyprexa.

I am on 2 anti-psychotic meds now. I noticed my fingers occasionally falling off the keys while typing, for Just a few days, since taking the zyprexa for sure. I am not noticing right now though so that is good!

Spoke to jeff, his mom is having dialysis today.

Her kidneys aren't working, still on the vent. He texted me a picture of her and she looks awful...she wanted all measures taken she is NOT a dnr.

poor thing

Now, I am going to sandras to see what prepared food I can get from them, chicken salad, soups, tabouli....etc.

It sounds like Jeff decided he will be gone until tuesday. I see Dr. Orazio in the morning tuesday. And was going to start working half days wednedsday.


I feel like I can't take care of myself, like I am completely dependant on others to care for me. I am like a young child. I have already packed a bag for a 3 day stay at the hospital if I need to go.


I should have cleaned the house some.....I still have time.

Jeff said marysues house is awful, he picked up all of the trash. Brian doesn't do any cleaning around her house.
Trying not to complain because he is able to bring her food and look after her.
It is a blessing that he lives minutes away from her now.


There is some busy work for the business that I can do:

Need to put return address labels on my bills that I send.
Make up some new charts.

It is like I am avoiding work.
I need to finish the billing!!!!
I need to run to sandras!!!!
Paul comes to pick me up at 6;30 for dinner.
I need to start writing down what meds I take at what times am getting confused about that.
Geodon needs to be taken with food/meal to actually work. as does tegretol only just some food to protect the stomach.


Our cat, Hazel just knocked over 20oz of pop all over the floor and computer desk getting some things wet...jeffs stuff and other scraps of paper. I used a big towel to wipe it up....lots of fur balls and bits of black pieces from the computer chair that is slowly molting. I really need to run the vacuum.... sigh

Run to sandras, and some billing before paul picks me up....
Can I get off this computer?
bizi

[giddykitty]

Sounds very chaotic! I hope you can find some peace, Bizi! Best of luck!

[bizi]

Thank you for reading and posting!

at 9pm Just got back from our friends house.
Dinner was great!

Chinese food, spicy chicken with celery and carrots and onions.

and dumplings, quite yummy!

Looking back over todays doings and it wasn't much.

A lot of time on internet!
I did go to sandras and pick up 2 meals they had left over,
chicken and sweet potatoes and chard and collards.
I also bought a pound of chicken salad and some cheese brocolli soup.


I did not even do billing. I will do that tomorrow.
wonder if I should set the alarm for tomorrow morning?

I would like to(need to) get up and take a shower.
Maybe I will go to the horse farm market. It is open until noon.

Scratch farm kitchen has a food truck there and they are so good!

Tomorrow night is the strings concert.

Carol wants to go and said she would drive.
Maybe she would like to do dinner?

Maybe I could fix it for her like I said before.


At this point Marysue is very fragile.... had to have dialysis this evening.
On the cardiac floor, They forgot to give her 2 days worth of her blood pressure meds!!!!
They really like the care in ICU.

Jeff may stay until tuesday instead of sunday like he has planned,
not sure when he will decide.(sometime before sunday)


I am feeling better, more in control.
Thank you for your support.
(((((HUGS)))))

[bizi]

Thank you for your support!
This is what I sent to my pdoc:

Dr. Orazio,
Just wanted to update you...knowing that you won't get this message until monday.
I am feeling much better, thank goodness.
I appreciate your patience with me.

I am better, less disorganized getting things done so that is good.

Unfortunately I am having side effects from the zyprexa
I am noticing some neuro involvement in my hands., fine motor skills.

Occasionally,, My fingers are falling off of the keys when I type.
Hopefully this goes away in time, or doesn't get worse.....

My mother in law is off the ventilator and doing better, so that is good.
Not sure when Jeff is coming home, either sunday or tuesday.

Walked on the tred mill today so that is good. got some bills done.

Elizabeth


I also stopped taking my supplements just in case one of them was interfering with the tegretol absorption.
bizi

[bizi]

Just got off the phone with Jeff.
His mother has been thru so much, they thought they lost her.

She did not have dialysis but had this plasma exchange to rid her blood of the antibodies from her Miasthemia gravis crisis=MG crisis. She will have a series of five treatments. None on sunday then resume monday, tuesday, wednesday. They lasts 4-5 hours to do. The first one did not show a response, though this second one was like a miracle she got off the ventilator! and her kidneys started working again. But they are concerned that she may have some infection...perhaps her White blood count is elevated? I did not ask.
Such a turn around a day can make.
Her status remains a full code.
If she had had a living will that said no ventilator she would be dead right now. Need to rethink my wishes as we all should and share them with our loved ones.

I am a lot better.
Had Carol over for dinner before the concert. We had plate lunches from sandras that I picked up yesterday.
Chicken thighs with sweet potatoes and greens. It was very good!
Then we went to a strings concert at the university, it was good. Carol drove then we went for ice cream. She is not the best driver, hoping that I won't need a night driver soon.

I heated up some corn bread with butter to eat just now because I am supposed to take geodon with

food/meal, in order for it to work. 350 calories. And the tegretol can irritate your stomach.

I took my last dose of geodon and tegretol at 12;30 after lunch.
they are supposed to be 12 hours apart. I think it is ok to take them early.
Jeff is staying in INDY until tuesday, his flight arrives at 7;30pm.
He will fly out again for spring break in early april.
I need to take my meds.
good night
bizi

[bizi]

Found out it has to be 500 calories to work!
no wonder I am manic!

Just heard from jeff that they will probably move marysue out of ICU today so she must be much better!
I need to get off here.
thank you all for your well wishes for her and me!
bizi

[bizi]

For Marysue,

They have done 2 plasma exchanges. she will have 5 total treatments. they take a long time to run...4-5 hours.
The second one worked and she is now out of ICU. It was like a miracle. Off the ventilator and moved....
So she is back on a cardiac floor and doing well.

This afternoon I finished my billing! wrote out 14 bills, and then I started my taxes, the mileage part,
almost 10k business miles. That is my biggest deduction.

I called the vet/boarding place and they suggested we medicate her with pain meds.
I agreed..... they will be giving her neurontin twice a day.
and I ran to the store to get some fancy feast that they are going to feed her.
Both these things we should have thought about before.
We gave her a can a while back and she loved it.
so I ran to super one and picked up 4 cans.
I told them that she hates to be picked up! and that she cries a lot any time you pick her up.
I met Matty the woman whom I spoke to about hattie, and cried to her about the situation.
She was very understanding and supportive.
I really believe that she is suffering so do they...Jeff wants to wait to put her down
when she stops eating and is listless.
sigh

At 6;20pm I went to the NAMI support group meeting and found out it started at 6 so walked in the middle of it.
They were forgiving. I had not been there in a while. some of the same people were there. Everyone was pretty good.
I talked the most.

Found out there is a drop in center on tuesday from 9-2pm,
I see Dr. Orazio in the morning but could go there for the noon meal they serve.$2 or just check it out.

Everything seems hard to do. It takes me a long time making decisions,
For dinner, I ate left overs from fridays lunch with melissa, chicken noodle and some greens left over from dinner last night
and some left over edamame which was still tasty!

Golly, I have to eat 500 calories before bed with the geodon!
I put rebel ice cream out to thaw a bit but it is too soon for that so I put it back into the freezer, will wait until 11pm.
Think I ate lunch at 1145am. close enough. I am going to have to learn to eat breakfast....grrrr

It takes me a while to compose these postings.
Then I share it on different sites, part of my addiction.
Of course, then check back later to see if some one has responded to my post.
This makes a week alcohol free, I feel my internet/phone addiction is worse.
I post on an addiction site and have started a new thread on internet addiction and have had little response.
If anyone knows of a support group for internet addictions let me know.

I had better sign off.
Thank you for reading!

bizi

[bizi]

thanks for your support!
At the NAMI meeting,
I mentioned that I have addictions then listed them. not really much response. then again I only go seldomely and they meet 2 times a month is all. I see dr. orazio tomorrow morning, she wants to have jeff in on the call too so I told him about that.
just a quick check in need to go have lunch and take my meds.

bizi

[bizi]

thanks for your support!
At the NAMI meeting I mentioned that I have addictions then listed them. not really much response. then again
I only go seldomely and they meet 2 times a month is all. I see dr. orazio tomorrow morning, she wants to
have jeff in on the call too so I told him about that.
just a quick check in need to go have lunch and take my meds.
Marysue is my MIL and she is doing much better.
The cat hattie is the one at the boarding place and has cancer. Hoping the vet calls jeff today.
I am supposed to pick jeff up at the air port tomorrow night.
This afternoon I went to the VA office to talk about a claim for disability
when I got bacterial meningitis and had cognitive decline from it.
Jeff said I would have to get a lawyer to do that and it would be less money.
I am afraid of Dr. Orazio and afraid she will call the board of nurses on me!

heavy sigh
bizi