Daily Check In #3

Hang tough. it will move from the forefront of your mind and then it will get easier.

So I went to a cardiology appointment on Tuesday and learned that I may have heart disease from excessive use of alcohol but she doesn’t want to say that because we need to do lots of tests and pictures of my heart. So I have a holter monitor next Thursday appointment that I wear for 24hours. Then I have a stress test September 7th. Then I have to wait approximately 3 months until an scheduled ultrasound on my heart, when ever that is. So I guess there is these issues that crop up when you excessively drink and then stop doing it. Such as possible heart disease. I was severely anxious for the appointment and she was like why are you anxious i said I am usually anxious when it comes to appointments and it doesn’t matter what they are or when they are or how well I know the person. I am anxious. She said don’t be it’s nothing bad and it’s all good. I sort was like yeah you wouldn’t make a very good psychiatrist or psych nurse in my mind.

I am suppose to see my nurse today hopefully she is in the office. I really need to talk with her and I don’t give a crap about if she isn’t there I really need to talk with someone. And I don’t like falling through the cracks, or put on the back burner by mental health. I need my needs met and it’s not always about them it should be my care or care plan that determines how I am looked at as a person who struggles with stuff. Not saying “you’re good right?” Honestly I am not and I would like them to know this I am sick of the bs that goes on with the care system. I am thinking about filing a complaint with the health care system that I am in because more people need these services and we are falling through cracks. I am told by my psychiatrist that sees me anywhere from 6 weeks to 4 months. That I shouldn’t be going to the hospital and using my community team more often “since I have tonnes Of support in the community!” Yeah who are these people again? I was sick for a month and it will be two months since I seen my addictions counsellor. I haven’t made a call to them for a appointment we are blanketed with smoke from forest fires burning in the province under air advisory warnings. so that means I wouldn’t be able to walk the 6 country blocks to the agency that used to be like 2 1/2 blocks before they were budged our of the previous building. Because of my asthma.

1131 days sober.

did you know that July 12, 2011 was the same day that I broke my nose on the bathroom door at work? Then 4 years later I got sober.

Update: my psych nurse called me at 8:32 after I woke up at 8:30. Good timing. We are on for today!

Idle time is my enemy.
yes find things to do.
I used halt yeasterday.
HALT:
Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired. before drinking.
It worked for me yesterday.
good luck
bizi

I don't know if it's a thing and can't be bothered searching... I call it replaced thought or just thought replacement.

For this particular one (drinking) I look at the bottle and force myself to recognize that it's making my life miserable, all just for a buzz. Sorry for causing confusion, but it's like a bottle instantly reminds me to brush my teeth (or whatever works) or even eat an apple. The rewards speak for themselves in heading into sobriety.

Talking about it helps...let's not forget that. But don't fantasize for too long, because it brings us back here. Your own personal diary for development.

I feel of the wagon..not fun anymore...something's gotta change

I can be... it's just kinda cool, ya know.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Got through the day.
Day 4
I have to admit I haven't thought much at all about drinking.
Of course, I don't have much time to think about it as I'm occupied with other things.

You've done it. When I stopped, I was drinking iced lemon water
I was buying about 12 kilograms a week. Costing me about $50 . I drank so much water with lemon for almost a year. I was happiest when. I was healthy considering my liver problems anyway with that story but I can't look at lemon water anymore hope you have a look at it but it got me through it really did maybe you can give it a try? Voice to text..

Last picture is not mine, but the first is my clone of a Eureka lemon tree.

Today is day 6.
I plan on continuing this course.
I've had little thoughts about drinking and wanting to get drunk.
Unfortunately, it's been replaced with something else; a dormant eating disorder that has decided to rear it's ugly little head once more.

Completely normal. Just weigh yourself everyday, preferably in the morning before coffee or so. I have an app for monitoring my weight and thanks to the app, the damn annoying app lol, keeps me in a 2-5 kilogram diameter. Now's your body's turn to impress you =]
Not sure if you got a phone iOS or Android
Handy Weight Loss Tracker, BMI - Apps on Google Play

Thanks for the feedback.
Unfortunately, it's an unhealthy habit I have going on. I do have a tracker on my phone for fitness.
I need to find a middle somewhere. I know that I don't need to fall back into destructive habits in order to live my life. Somewhere there is hope...I think.

Go back to IOP today, for my second last day. Then I'll head over to my club house, hang out there in the afternoon,have dinner there, and then go to a double recovery meeting that they put on for members. I'm really looking forward to the double recovery meeting, it's been ages since I've been to one.

Hope you all have a good and sober Mon.

splitimage

Ima****up

Tonight will be a week since my last drink it’s actually been a lot easier than I thought it would be which I’m very grateful for.

Came home and had 3 strong IPA'S and did not sleep well last night. I have a strange medical issue.
If I accidentally sleep on my back I wake up with a painful diaphragm, rib cage that is painful to breath in. It wakes me up. I just have to breath in and out deeply to stretch my lungs and work thru the pain. IT is getting worse.
what can the doctors do?
preventative is just simply ensure that I don't sleep on my back. I know that sounds weird..
Yes I will be alcohol free monday thru thursday.
bizi

Today is day 8.
Pondered the thought of having a small drink, but know that's not a good idea.
Will continue to strive for sobriety.

They could do X-rays or a CT scan to see what it may be because it sounds serious to me.

Today's my last day of IOP. I'm kind of glad to be finishing it. After it. I have an appointment with my T, then I'll go for acupuncture and then stick around for a drop in group, called "the Divine Divas". So today should be good.

splitimage

They make some things you can wear to sleep that keeps something like a tennis ball over the middle of your back so that if you try side sleeping and roll onto your back when semi conscious right before falling asleep, it will wake you enough to roll back on your side.

This is a great idea!!!!!!
Thank you for mentioning it.
wonder where you find them???
bizi

Do you know?

Amazon.com: stop sleeping on back