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bizi
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Thumbs up Jun 08, 2018 at 10:13 PM
  #41
congratulations child!!!!!
way to go!!!!!
hope you got to both meetings!
bizi

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Default Jun 09, 2018 at 10:50 PM
  #42
Daily Check In #3

Only 33days until my new milestone!!

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Default Jun 09, 2018 at 11:00 PM
  #43
I liked it better when I was craving just psychedelics yesterday.

My Concerta must have worn off so I have unbelievably low energy and very very foggy mind? So I crave meth.

But I don't know if it's an actual craving. It's a mellow craving like "Maybe it will help me".

What am I supposed to do with such zombified mind? It's like I'm trapped inside a mind with no brain chemicals. How is this feeling my fault? I didn't ask for this.

I'm scared at how such low energy I have. I'm moving slow. I don't want to put effort into anything. I have dreams and a real mind that just gets shut down sometimes. When I feel this way, I see no light at the end of the tunnel.
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Default Jun 10, 2018 at 02:39 AM
  #44
Desoxyn, I'm sorry you're craving meth, but I'm not surprised. You spent years using, and your brain got used to it, so of course you're going to want to use - it's your brain's "normal" and feeling sluggish is part of early recovery.

I'm currently in an IOP program, and the facilitators were talking about Post Acute Withdrawl Syndrom (PAWS) and they said it can take up to 2 years, of complete abstinence for your brain to heal. You might want to google PAWS and read up on it, as it sounds to me, like that may be what you're experiencing.

Hang in there, and post here as much as you like/need.

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Default Jun 10, 2018 at 05:08 PM
  #45
Thanks splitimage, PAWS is what I'm feeling.

Guys and gals, I think I've relapsed. It's affecting me emotionally, enough that I sought out pain. Who am I is the question at hand
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bizi
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Smile Jun 10, 2018 at 10:30 PM
  #46
made it thru a dinner where I really wanted to drink but did not.
I will wait until after my appointment with my psych doctor and until thursday night when we get to memphis, our official beginning of the vacation.
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__________________
150mg of lamictal 2x a day
haldol 5mg 2x a day
1mg of cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation


multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon
PRN Remeron 15mg at night,
zyprexa10mg under tongue,
requip2mg.





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Default Jun 11, 2018 at 09:18 AM
  #47
Yesterday was in the ER for a pulled muscle in my back. I thought it might be kidney stones but it wasn't. They only gave me one pain pill. I decided to buy some pain pills off my old drug dealer. Met with him, gave him the money etc. He went to go get it. I had a change of heart and texted him back to cancel. He gave me my money back minus $50.00. I'm glad I didn't get the pills. It was worth losing the $50.00 to stay clean and sober.
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Default Jun 11, 2018 at 09:21 AM
  #48
tomorrow its 2 years 11months clean and sober...

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Default Jun 11, 2018 at 09:44 AM
  #49
Quote:
Originally Posted by zijax View Post
Yesterday was in the ER for a pulled muscle in my back. I thought it might be kidney stones but it wasn't. They only gave me one pain pill. I decided to buy some pain pills off my old drug dealer. Met with him, gave him the money etc. He went to go get it. I had a change of heart and texted him back to cancel. He gave me my money back minus $50.00. I'm glad I didn't get the pills. It was worth losing the $50.00 to stay clean and sober.
Congratulations on the good decision!

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Smile Jun 11, 2018 at 02:56 PM
  #50
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Originally Posted by zijax View Post
Yesterday was in the ER for a pulled muscle in my back. I thought it might be kidney stones but it wasn't. They only gave me one pain pill. I decided to buy some pain pills off my old drug dealer. Met with him, gave him the money etc. He went to go get it. I had a change of heart and texted him back to cancel. He gave me my money back minus $50.00. I'm glad I didn't get the pills. It was worth losing the $50.00 to stay clean and sober.


you can be very proud of yourself for this!
good going!
bizi

__________________
150mg of lamictal 2x a day
haldol 5mg 2x a day
1mg of cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation


multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon
PRN Remeron 15mg at night,
zyprexa10mg under tongue,
requip2mg.





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Default Jun 12, 2018 at 11:07 AM
  #51
2 years 11months today!!!

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Default Jun 12, 2018 at 11:59 AM
  #52
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Originally Posted by greentires4me View Post
2 years 11months today!!!
Fantastic!

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Default Jun 12, 2018 at 06:03 PM
  #53
Way to go Greentires4me. That's awesome.

I had IOP today and it was really good. I'm learning a lot about myself. I really got lucky when I found this program.

Then I went to acupuncture and had a relaxing hour just sitting meditating listening to calming music.

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Smile Jun 12, 2018 at 10:32 PM
  #54
I am glad that you are able to have acupuncture.
((((HUGS))))
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__________________
150mg of lamictal 2x a day
haldol 5mg 2x a day
1mg of cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation


multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon
PRN Remeron 15mg at night,
zyprexa10mg under tongue,
requip2mg.





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Default Jun 13, 2018 at 01:09 AM
  #55
I'm feeling better than when I wrote my last post.

Then I drank one glass of jack daniels and coke. I shouldn't have because it makes me feel like I took a benzo and it ruins my cognition.

I forget what meth feels like but I know cognition is better than sober.

I notice PAWS for me happens after 3 months sober. I used to take a psychedelic every 2-3 months because that's when I would forget what the psychedelic feels like.

I'm extremely sure that the 2-3 month time setting of psychedelics and PAWS are related.
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Default Jun 13, 2018 at 11:07 AM
  #56
I'm on day 27 sober. My last attempt last September ended at day 30 but there were numerous other factors that doomed me before I even started. Back then, I was only going to stop drinking for 6 months so I could get my control back. Blah, blah, blah....the same old crap we tell ourselves before we stop the ********. I was even smoking weed still and, uh hm, some other things. That's all the past now. No booze, no weed, no coke, no nothing.


All that is gone now. I feel better than I ever remember feeling. The Lamictal is working great for me so that's a big part of it sure. But I never realized how bad the alcohol was messing me up. I was high and drunk for so many, many years that sobriety is like a new drug, if you know what I mean. I have taken those chemicals of the table for the rest of my life. They are no longer an option at all. I've also vowed to not miss that crap at all as well but to appreciate not being in a chemical fog from now on. It's made the biggest difference. The cravings are almost non-existent now.

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Current meds : Lamictal 100 mg, more coming soon I'm sure, other meds for non-MI issues like Pramipexole for RLS but it's probably doing more for my mood I don't know about
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Default Jun 13, 2018 at 11:16 AM
  #57
Lamictal is a big part of my recovery also. I am on day 353. It is a lot easier without so much depression that I wanted to escape from. kind of miss the hypomania sometimes; I tended to get the happy puppy kind, though sometimes I was an arrogant jackass and I would argue with people on the internet all night about subjects I had just become an expert on days earlier.

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Default Jun 13, 2018 at 01:06 PM
  #58
Been having a real hard time lately. Been abusing pills and hallucinating again :/ So I called mobile mental health and they told me to go to the hospital, who sent me away.
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Default Jun 13, 2018 at 02:35 PM
  #59
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Been having a real hard time lately. Been abusing pills and hallucinating again :/ So I called mobile mental health and they told me to go to the hospital, who sent me away.
Is there a different hospital you could go to?

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Default Jun 13, 2018 at 04:59 PM
  #60
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Is there a different hospital you could go to?
There is in the next city over, but I can't drive right now and nobody cares enough to take me.
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