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Old 02-16-2019, 11:04 AM #551
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

Dang it, I forgot about posting yesterday - today is 601 days...
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Old 02-16-2019, 11:45 AM #552
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They found an ovarian cyst, schmorlís nodes on my spine multiple ones and bone on bone between two vertebrae, as well something with my right lung making it hard for me to breathe. All from the CT scan I am in terrible amount of pain all I wanna is drink and I have the money for it which obviously scares me.

My friend just texted me I need her but she wants to isolate. She doesnít want me to take it personally then why why the fox sakes did she message me. I am not feeling well at all I need my friends more now then ever before. All this stuff scares me and the hospital is a gong show I talked with a doctor last night who said I was junkie and then a psychiatrist who asked me why I was here and what level of education I had. I spent all the morning in bed in pain finally I took a hydromorphine with gravol. I take them sparingly I am scared like I said but there is no one around to help me out because my friends want to be left alone.
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Old 02-16-2019, 03:33 PM #553
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

greentires4me,
I'm sorry you had such a bad experience at the hospital. Do they have a patient complaints process?


I totally get the desire to drink. But think about how much sober time you have, and how you've gotten through stuff sober. Take it a minute at a time if you have to.
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Old 02-17-2019, 06:04 AM #554
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4 months today. Feels good.
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Old 02-17-2019, 05:11 PM #555
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Old 02-19-2019, 12:48 PM #556
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Hey,

Iím doing okay I guess. Getting pretty fed up of drinking and itís doing no good for my digestive system. Just patiently waiting for my referral to come through. Should be sometime next week.

Iím going to visit my parents over the first weekend of March. I figure Iíll probably manage to get by with just a couple of drinks in the evening. Will be hard but Iím usually better at moderating when Iím staying with them.
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Old 02-19-2019, 09:09 PM #557
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I've been struggling with drinking for years. I started drinking around 13, heavily around 15, and constantly at 21. I had periods of sober time in my life tho not many. A few days or weeks here and there. Sometimes 30 days, occasionally 60. Right now I'm over 4 months sober. I don't remember what day I decided it was the time to just lady up and cut the crap already. I was sick of what I was doing. Sick of the person I had become. That was not me!! And now I watch my boyfriend get drunk every day. Yes we met as drinkers and I chose to quit but he tells me he wants to stop too. We argue over it all the time. Not necessarily the booze but how he treats me when he's drunk. It's not fun. But when he's sober.. totally different man. Alcohol is the devil. I used to say this every day waking up with a hangover. Those are gone now. I find my mental clarity is vastly improved since I stopped the drink. I also stopped almost all the psych meds too. I'm no longer foggy headed, sleeping 18 hours a day, depressed, my anxiety has decreased, overall since cutting alcohol and meds out I feel SO much better. My head and emotional state is clearer than it has been in years. I see my psychiatrist on Thursday. First time since I've stopped drinking and cut the meds. I wonder if she will register as much improvement as I feel? I took my Cna recertification test on February 14 and am waiting for the results. Major anxiety happening over that!! But I do feel I'm ready to head back to work and rejoin society.
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Old 02-20-2019, 01:11 AM #558
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Congratulations Calypso2632!!

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Old 02-25-2019, 06:15 PM #559
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I'm having major cravings to drink right now - won't, there are advantages to being flat broke, and on antabuse, but it's driving me a bit nuts. I think it's because I'm tapering off clonazepam which feels a bit like alcohol withdrawal and cross tapering onto valium, which feels a bit too much like alcohol. In short my brain is a bit of a chemical mess at the moment. Plus I'll have money again on Thurs., and Fri. as that's when I get my disability cheque and the money from my brother. So that's future opportunity so my brain is trying to convince me to stop the antabuse. Not going to happen.


I've made it this far. I'm determined not to go backwards. I just wish I could unscrew the top of my head, pull out my brain and give it a good rinse in cold water to hopefully knock some sense into it.


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"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favorite hymn.

"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba



Daily Check In #3



As some of you may know, my blog is currently off-line due to some problems at my previous site host. I'm working with my web master to rebuild and get back on-line.
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Old 02-28-2019, 07:59 PM #560
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I drank a glass of wine then snorted ketamine and threw up then went to sleep

Now I'm depressed
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