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Old 03-11-2019, 07:32 AM #581
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

This is what I look like today.
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Daily Check In #3



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Old 03-11-2019, 11:42 AM #582
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

Geese splits that looks like it hurts. Maybe call that tbi place and see if you can be booked in soon as possible...

I am in bed myself my crutches are leaning up against the closet doors tomorrow marks 3 years 8 months. I donít feel like getting up and getting dressed itís 9:32am and I been awake in pain since 5am. Because of my ankle injury 3 days after Christmas in 2016, I have to rely on that one to hobble around. Let me tell you it hurts to crutch on.

My meds were delivered last night late and I was so tired and I just wanted to go to bed. The pharmacist last night was stupid and told me to call today to find out where my meds were and told me that they donít deliver on a Sunday. Of course that infuriated me good thing I have multiple phone numbers in my phone to use for in case of something stupid like that.

I just reminded myself that I have text someone for a ride for my gp appointment on Thursday...
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Old 03-11-2019, 10:31 PM #583
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Unhappy Re: Daily Check In #3

oh split, raccoon eyes....head injury.
so sorry it looks painful.
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Old 03-12-2019, 08:18 AM #584
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Yeah, I'm definitely not the most attractive at the moment, and my Dr. told me it could be another 2 weeks or more before it's gone.


Really do not want to go out looking like this.


But the good thing is I have had absolutely no desire to drink over it.


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"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba



Daily Check In #3



As some of you may know, my blog is currently off-line due to some problems at my previous site host. I'm working with my web master to rebuild and get back on-line.
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Old 03-13-2019, 06:22 PM #585
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Unhappy Re: Daily Check In #3

2 weeks that is quick if it all goes away that quickly like he said.
sorry that happened.
I really feel for you.
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Old 03-13-2019, 06:31 PM #586
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

Quote:
Originally Posted by splitimage View Post
Thanks UpDownAround and Child. I am feeling pretty bad still. and my face is a mess. I think I'm going to have to cancel my T appointment as I'm in too much pain to get there. Not to mention I look like I've been run over by a mac Truck.


Child glad to see you're back on the bandwagon. I've been wondering how you're doing.


splitimage
I'm trying to check in more. I just haven't had the energy for a while. Had a medication issue that made me sleep a lot and I have also been pretty depressed since we adjusted the meds to fix the issue.

Hopefully it will get better soon.

Splits, that looks extremely painful. I hope the pain gets better soon at least, even if the bruising sticks around a little longer.
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Old 03-14-2019, 08:48 AM #587
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0 days sober.
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Old 03-14-2019, 09:58 AM #588
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

LittleEarthquakes, how long had it been before this lapse?
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Old 03-14-2019, 03:13 PM #589
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I drank alcohol and had a panic attack so I'm not going to drink anymore.

A few days after that, I had 60mg ketamine left so I snorted it all at once then when it wore off I had a panic attack type of feeling but it wasn't an actual panic attack.. more like a chemically induced severe anxiety.. So I took the last of my Ativan and it cured that feeling.. I don't plan on buying anymore ketamine.

I went to sleep and woke up the next morning picked up xanax which I regret buying. I took a 8mg over the course of the day then went to sleep and woke up for class extremely tired so I took my vyvanse went back to sleep and it didn't wake me up so I took 20mg methylphenidate and went to class and drank an energy drink.

I bought another pack of cigarettes yesterday.

I will always take the vyvanse as prescribed but I forget what it's like to be high on high dose stimulants so I kinda crave meth and coke but I'm not going to buy any. It's just thoughts that I have because I've been feeling so depressed lately about work and school and need to get my studying done.

I saw an addictions counsellor yesterday for the first time. He was very chill. We don't connect cuz he doesn't talk much and I can't sense a personality. Maybe I'm not as emotionless as I think I am.. Or my negative symptoms have gotten better. But I bet he has knowledge idk. I told him absolutely everything and he talked as if it was normal drug use which makes me feel weird because I donít think my poly substance use light use like most people.

Idk if I can get advice out of him when he doesn't make comments on what I should do. I'm the one with the insight. So much insight. Maybe I don't need an addictions counsellor and I'm able to do this on my own.

He gave me a number for the cigarette addiction thing so I'll call them. They can help pay for my nicotine replacement therapy so I feel responsible to not smoke because I have very good morals about things like that.

But so far Iím doing good.
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Old 03-15-2019, 07:59 PM #590
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Tomorrow is a new day. I will be sober. If I'm not sober, I'm flushing the xanax.

I need to focus on my studying and I only have a month left to get my course done.

I just wanted a few highs because.. many reasons.. I'm lonely in my world.. My mom gets mad at me and controls my money when I mess up.. It makes me feel like she doesn't understand the reason for why I do these things.. It's just control.. I don't like to be controlled..

I want to be better mentally and it takes so much time and therapy but my therapist just lets me talk and doesn't say anything.. I need new perspectives and I got a lot of perspectives online from other addicts.

I believe truly the only person that can help another addict is another addict.. I helped someone get through a severe 6000 dollar a month coke addiction and he ran out of money.. but I believe my words helped.. he helps me too.. And I come to realize many things.. It's not worth it... but part of me feels like it is..
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