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Old 03-16-2019, 07:37 PM #591
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Red face Re: Daily Check In #3

tomorrow is st pattys day and we usually celebrate with drinking lots of guiness etc. not this year.
I am abstaining for lent. really it is just to help lose this god awful amount of weight gain.
I gained seriously 50 pounds in 3 years.
Still Alcohol free since ash wednesday 11 days.
Thinking about drinking but not drinking gives me a sense of control.
The scale is cooperating.
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Old 03-16-2019, 11:33 PM #592
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

Today I failed miserably.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will only take one benzo if I feel withdrawal after 4 day binge.

My mom wanted me to stay until her shift was over because she was afraid people would harass her. I want to protect my mom but I was high and didn't want her to know or anyone else to know so I left. Now I'm sitting here, high.. but the high doesn't feel good anymore.. It feels wrong.. morally now..

Tomorrow I will take vyvanse in the morning and no concerta.. I will be very tired and a little agitated but I will study and finish my essay. Not sure how well I'm going to sleep tonight but I hope I sleep well..

I guess soon I will have to realize that I am an addict and have to count days that I am sober.. I thought I was different and could defeat this problem but I'm just like everyone else.. as we all learn "It won't happen to me", but it does.. The cycle continues to everyone that will ever get addicted.. some will die.. some will live to tell their story.. my story shouldn't exist.. I should be dead.. But here I am.. Living.. life is what it is.. too much to explain about it..

I wish you all a good recovery, use your will power.. the will power that I thought was easy.. but chasing a high is like fighting demons.. they sneak up on you and ruin your life and everyone around you is affected by it..

My mom trusted me with my controlled substances because I wasn't addicted at the time.. I let her down.. I let her and my doctor and treatment team down by buying xanax and ketamine, dmt, mdma... I failed..
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Old 03-16-2019, 11:58 PM #593
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Red face Re: Daily Check In #3

Like you said, tomorrow is a new day. I believe you can change if you want to bad enough.
the opposite of addiction is connection.
fall down 7 times get up 8.....
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Geodon 80mg twice a day
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klonipin .5 mg at night
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vit c 1000mg, fish oils 1000mg ,co-q10 100mg,
multi-vitamin and mineral, tarte cherry, boswallia.
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Old 03-18-2019, 10:02 AM #594
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

Haven't checked in for a few days. 631 days and counting. I stay vigilant because I know about the false sense of security, but haven't really had any urges for a while. I routinely ignore potential temptation, not skipping work socials or other events and not feeling self conscious about not drinking.
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Old 03-18-2019, 09:22 PM #595
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Smile Re: Daily Check In #3

Quote:
Originally Posted by UpDownAround View Post
Haven't checked in for a few days. 631 days and counting. I stay vigilant because I know about the false sense of security, but haven't really had any urges for a while. I routinely ignore potential temptation, not skipping work socials or other events and not feeling self conscious about not drinking.

You are doing great!!!!!!




You are doing hard work,
and are worthy of this effort.
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Geodon 80mg twice a day
Lamictal 200mg twice a day
klonipin .5 mg at night
3mg of prolonged release melatonin at night
5mg zyprexa at night

magnesium 1250mg, probiotic, turmeric twice a day,
vit d3 5,000units, calcium 300mg twice a day,
vit c 1000mg, fish oils 1000mg ,co-q10 100mg,
multi-vitamin and mineral, tarte cherry, boswallia.
12 pills at noon
11 pills at night
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Old 03-19-2019, 06:13 AM #596
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

Just realized that I passed the 5 month mark. I'm kind of happy I didn't notice the anniversary because it means I'm not obsessing about alcohol all the time.


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Daily Check In #3



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Old 03-19-2019, 06:44 AM #597
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

Quote:
Originally Posted by splitimage View Post
Just realized that I passed the 5 month mark. I'm kind of happy I didn't notice the anniversary because it means I'm not obsessing about alcohol all the time.


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WTG splits!!!

I only obsess about alcohol when I am doing trauma work. It seems itís connected stuffing those feelings down with a drink. Itís a coping mechanism that in did for 18 years of my life...I was so used to it became my friend, my confidant, my lover and my enemy. I was watching the news yesterday and it was scrolling down on the screen it ďcosts alcoholics who are Canadians 15$M a year for the cost of buying itĒ not what it costs to get them clean or help them stay clean or how much money they save when they stop. But I watched a report on tv saying how alcohol has become fashionable now for females and that there is more females who drink larger quantities then males. Itís not a fad they said itís the truth. And when us as females try to get help for alcohol we are made to be ashamed and feel ashamed but why? Itís this society stigma that men are suppose to be the raging alcoholic not females. The society of ours needs to change because of it doesnít then **** happens thatís not good.
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Old 03-20-2019, 08:31 PM #598
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

My first time having a look at this thread. Wishing you all much luck with beating this monster.
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Old 03-20-2019, 08:42 PM #599
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

55 days today
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Old 03-21-2019, 07:19 AM #600
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Default Re: Daily Check In #3

Way to go childofchaos, you're coming up on 2 months. Keep it up.


Saw my addictions Dr. yesterday, and she's really happy with how I'm doing. I told her that most of my cravings were driven by my clonazepam taper and adding valium into the mix. She said that all my sense, and was glad that I was able to dissmiss the cravings as just my brain chemistry changing.
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"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba



Daily Check In #3



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