Daily Check In #3

UpDownAround · Dec 10, 2018 at 08:45 AM

Hope things go well, Splits!

UpDownAround · Dec 10, 2018 at 05:05 PM

Next month I have the issue someone else (child?) faced a while back - shoulder surgery and rehab. I think I am going with the Advil and a stick to bite option. I discussed it with my pdoc at a med check the other day. She specializes in mood disorders and substance abuse, which is why I picked her. It was a pretty short discussion. Mostly it's because my memories of use are a little too positive; too easy to slip back into the "if I am careful" mindset. I am still scared of it right now. One thing that shook me up was reading about someone local who took about the same dosage I often took and rank with it, drinking less than I sometimes did, and he died in his sleep.

Bill3 · Dec 10, 2018 at 09:17 PM

How was it today, splitimage?

childofchaos831 · Dec 10, 2018 at 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

Next month I have the issue someone else (child?) faced a while back - shoulder surgery and rehab. I think I am going with the Advil and a stick to bite option. I discussed it with my pdoc at a med check the other day. She specializes in mood disorders and substance abuse, which is why I picked her. It was a pretty short discussion. Mostly it's because my memories of use are a little too positive; too easy to slip back into the "if I am careful" mindset. I am still scared of it right now. One thing that shook me up was reading about someone local who took about the same dosage I often took and rank with it, drinking less than I sometimes did, and he died in his sleep.

Yep that was me... I'm just over 30 days now. 36 or 37, somewhere around there. The pain pills started it for me, but I would not have made it early on without them. I needed the pills in the beginning for the pain. I could barely move as it was, I can't imagine without them. Also, the pain affected my mood, and I would have been more suicidal than I was already.

Think about the effects of pain on your mood. Also think if there is anyone who could hold the pain meds and give you only a certain amount at a time.

That is where I messed up... I didn't have someone holding them for me even after I started craving them.

splitimage · Dec 11, 2018 at 06:27 AM

Well I survived my first shift yesterday, and it went pretty well I think. I got mostly positive feedback, with the only criticism being that I was slow, which I think is normal for a first day.

They're bringing me in again today for a second shift, so I'm taking that as a positive sign.

And I didn't have any desire to drink after work.

But I was exhausted by the end of the day.

splitimage

UpDownAround · Dec 11, 2018 at 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Yep that was me... I'm just over 30 days now. 36 or 37, somewhere around there. The pain pills started it for me, but I would not have made it early on without them. I needed the pills in the beginning for the pain. I could barely move as it was, I can't imagine without them. Also, the pain affected my mood, and I would have been more suicidal than I was already.

Think about the effects of pain on your mood. Also think if there is anyone who could hold the pain meds and give you only a certain amount at a time.

That is where I messed up... I didn't have someone holding them for me even after I started craving them.

I am a stoic. There is some research that says that it's largely genetic, not that I have developed mental toughness. When the doc did my right shoulder, he was surprised at the damage because of the way I held up in the initial exam and the numbers I gave him for "how much pain?". He should have been suspicious of how much pain I said I was in during rehab after the procedure, but I mostly saw an intern working with him for follow ups.

I am more afraid of the craving than I am of the pain. It can override rational thinking. Even if someone is doling it out, I will no longer have the streak of opiate free days; this thought crossed my mind even while I am rational and not in a good way. That really spooked me.

splitimage · Dec 12, 2018 at 06:47 AM

UpDownAround,

Good luck with your decision on whether or not to take opiates for pain. I think if someone else was controlling the dosing, I'd be inclined to take them, as I've heard that if you're in pain it can actually slow down the healing process. But I totally hear you on the cravings thing and not wanting to start them.

Survived my second shift, although it didn't go as well as my first day - won't bore you with the details, but I was exhausted by the end of it. They offered me a third shift today, which I think is a good sign, but i had to turn it down, as I didn't think I could handle it physically. And I'm really glad I turned it down, this morning, my feet and legs are still really sore and stiff and my arm is sore. Clearly I've got to work on building up my stamina.

splitimage

greentires4me · Dec 12, 2018 at 08:32 AM

3 years 5 months today and 51 days till my 1300 day milestone.

UpDownAround · Dec 12, 2018 at 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitimage

UpDownAround,

Good luck with your decision on whether or not to take opiates for pain. I think if someone else was controlling the dosing, I'd be inclined to take them, as I've heard that if you're in pain it can actually slow down the healing process. But I totally hear you on the cravings thing and not wanting to start them.

Thanks. My big concern is poor judgement when I have it for a few days and then stop. I know I am better off sober because I don't exercise enough control and never will. Being drunk and/or high was a feeling that I enjoyed and that I would enjoy if I were to take enough pain killers to actually numb pain. The memory of it doesn't have nearly as much potential to cause craving as the experience of it would.

splitimage · Dec 14, 2018 at 12:35 PM

Really wanting to go to the bar and have a few drinks today, but I won't as I know that would set me off on another bad spiral down.

Booked an appointment to get my hair cut tomorrow. So I need my money for that, so I can't spend it on booze.

splitimage

greentires4me · Dec 14, 2018 at 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitimage

Really wanting to go to the bar and have a few drinks today, but I won't as I know that would set me off on another bad spiral down.

Booked an appointment to get my hair cut tomorrow. So I need my money for that, so I can't spend it on booze.

splitimage

Still taking your Antabuse?

Something triggering you to want to drink?

splitimage · Dec 14, 2018 at 06:13 PM

greentires,

yeah, I had a dissapointment this week - didn't get a job I thought I had.

And I'm still taking my Antabuse, so I won't drink. Just wish it would stop the cravings.

Meh. I'll live.

Desoxyn · Dec 14, 2018 at 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi

ARe you still not smoking? that is a very hard adiction to give up.
give yourself some credit...you are trying to give up 2 very difficult addictions at the same time.
I believe in you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I've quit smoking for a month. I felt agitated so I sprayed some nicotine under my tongue but it didn't help.. I keep thinking about my future and life in general.. just makes me frustrated.. I took two gulps of rum then took two benzos..

Desoxyn · Dec 14, 2018 at 09:34 PM

I feel so depressed now. I wish I could cry.

bizi · Dec 14, 2018 at 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greentires4me

3 years 5 months today and 51 days till my 1300 day milestone.

what exactly does this mean?
bizi

Desoxyn · Dec 14, 2018 at 11:04 PM

Feel better cuz alcohol wore off quick.

greentires4me · Dec 14, 2018 at 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi

what exactly does this mean?
bizi

It was 3 years 5 months sober on Wednesday and it said on my sober app that I was 51 days until my next milestone of 1,300 days sober.

splitimage · Dec 16, 2018 at 06:00 AM

Desoxyn,

Glad you're still in the game with trying to quit. Glad you're feeling better.

Quitting booze is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

splitimage

UpDownAround · Dec 16, 2018 at 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitimage

Quitting booze is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
splitimage

Admitting I have a MI and seeking treatment was harder for me.

Desoxyn · Dec 17, 2018 at 02:12 AM

Never drinking alcohol again (Yes.. that phrase)..

I feel like I have a headache without the pain. I took benzo but it didn't help. I should take another seroquel but that's probably dangerous to not take as prescribed.

So I must suffer..

I guess more water will help? I already drank a lot of that.. or ibuprofen although I don't have a headache.. maybe it will help.. I just want to sleep..

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UpDownAround Magnate Member Since Jul 2017 Location: 3rd rock from Sun Posts: 2,717 6 493 hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 08:45 AM #441 Hope things go well, Splits! __________________ \| \|Up and down \|And in the end it's only round and round \|Pink Floyd - Us and Them \| \|bipolar II, substance use disorder, ADD \|lamictal, straterra \|
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Dec 10, 2018 at 09:17 PM #443 How was it today, splitimage?
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greentires4me Magnate Member Since Feb 2013 Location: planet earth Posts: 2,986 11 401 hugs given	Dec 12, 2018 at 08:32 AM #448 3 years 5 months today and 51 days till my 1300 day milestone. __________________ Love, Light and Happiness!!!
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,985 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Dec 14, 2018 at 09:34 PM #454 I feel so depressed now. I wish I could cry.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,985 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Dec 14, 2018 at 11:04 PM #456 Feel better cuz alcohol wore off quick.
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