Daily Check In #3

Desoxyn, Never give up on quitting, no matter how many slip ups you have. It's the quitting that counts.


I don't know how many times I've had a year sober, since I first attempted to stop drinking in 2009, but I've kept relapsing. My addictions Dr. says to look at it over the long term, that in the past 10 years, I've been sober more than I've been drunk. I still count consequtive days because I find it motivational. But I know lots of people who don't. It's whatever works for you.

It seems to me that not sleeping, is a major trigger for you, as it would be for me. Can you maybe take the risk of leveling with your Dr's, and ask for something for sleep. I know there are some non -addictive options out there.

Keep going and keep posting.

splitimage

It's sunny out. Didn't go for a hike cuz all of my muscles ached from not sleeping the previous night. I slept good last night though. Really good sleep. Took my Vyvanse and woke up.

I'm ok now..

Day 3 of Xanax withdrawal. I think day 5 and 6 is supposed to be worse so idk. I'll just take it easy..

I got up last night to use the washroom and the shot of rum made my heart beat fast and I felt dizzy and lightheaded, started hallucinating and ringing in my ears. Then I went to sleep...

Keep at it Tweaky. I believe in you. It’s all a journey just have to keep on at it.

I am doing quite well this week. Saw the nurse again this week and I said I thought that maybe not having an appointment last week was partly why I had a couple of slip ups and less motivation. So going to try wherever possible to keep appointments weekly.

I am going to visit my parents for a week. Looking forward to it. I’m going to try use it as a stepping stone down since I generally drink less when I visit them.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Keep up all the hard work!

drinking but ok with it.
bizi

My research chemical online friends says that they notice that I'm being more sensible with my usage.

Day 6 of benzo withdrawal. I think I'm in the green zone. No seizures or anxiety. I'm one of the lucky ones. No benzo cravings either.

Quitting cigarettes today.

Just sprayed nicotine under my tongue..

Desoxyn,

Good job on getting off the benzo. You're really lucky you didn't have a bad withdrawal. And good luck with stopping smoking.

splitimage

I'm crying

I don't want to be like this

I flushed my 4 different psychedelics, an 8ball of meth and some xanax. I'm keeping some xanax in case I still get withdrawal. 700 dollars worth of drugs down the toilet.

I'm not buying any more drugs..

Good job on getting rid of your drugs Desoxyn. I hope you find the strength to not buy any more.

I'm meeting up with someone I know from another website for dinner tonight. I'm looking forward to getting to know someone IRL, although it feels a bit weird.

I met someone off a forum here I think it was off this one. They never talked to me again. They said they wanted to meet I said sure I said name your day and time. I went by their schedule and rearranged mine for them. I don’t know why we even met up if they kept looking at their phone at the time. I made sure to allow them to be able to order whatever they wanted at the coffee shop and i paid for it. I thought it would be a treat to pay for their drink I told them to choose where we sit. We first were inside then outside then inside then outside. I started to feel like musical chairs. And after about 10mins they got up and rushed out the door without saying see ya later. I went to message them on here and I was blocked. Interesting I thought to myself it was musical chairs with free beverage with get up and leave that person in the dark.

Gave myself a concussion yesterday on a Slippery cement parkade floor of my building. My foot turned purple at the hospital. I was given a lecture by the doctor about wearing appropriate foot wear. I thought to myself I woke up on cement and I am now receiving a man who wants me out of his ER with not even a CT scan of my head to tell me you may have a mild concussion. But definite sprain to your ankle but don’t worry about it just relax, elevate, ice it and take ibuprofen. My home town hospital never deals with the issue of why I keep falling they just deal Surface and send me on my way.

Anyway 1400 days on Mother’s Day went to milestones for it. Was tempted because my family likes to drink on every holiday/birthday. My mother who is poor drunk ordered a peach Bellini and drank half then gave it to her brother to drink the rest. So my mother was tipsy and driving imagine this going down the freeway with signs posted 100km and she’s going 150km. She told me she really had to pee when we got over the Fraser River. But we didn’t stop anywhere for her to go pee. My uncle seems to not hold is liquor well either he was the worst back seat driver
I ever met. I felt out numbered but I also felt like why did she have to order a drink if she knows she driving?

I was so tempted to drink as my sister sitting next to me sucking back her Bellini. I was never a Bellini fan I loved my margaritas.

I cut out that so called unwanted leach from my life that friend who does fent. They become liars, thieves, and name callers. They only care about how to get their next hit. It’s not something you can quit cold turkey either. Several months ago they came to us telling us they wanted to quit but they became violent after about 3 months it was like I don’t need this in my life anymore but it was like they became an obession they appologize when they were high then drink whiskey straight then become a monster. Everything became about them I stopped hanging out after awhile they kept disrespecting me as they smoked meth around me and one time even handed me the pipe. They would ask me to get their booze for them so I said no once and they called me C word. I started to stop completely getting their booze, they continuously apologize only the next day. They knock at my door then
Run away call me horrible names like it was my fault it took me awhile to get there. Confrontation is big and highly likely today with them they are unpredictable and will do it in front of others. My safety is my concern.

I never got how people can be violent from meth or coke etc.. I just smoke or snort it and I'm chill.. Maybe cuz I have ADHD idk..

Maybe because they do a little bit of everything...G, fentanyl, Meth, weed, crack, and alcohol. They already have FASD and very irritable when they don’t have their first dose of fentanyl in the morning which is downer the only two uppers is crack and meth. They are starting to show signs of liver failure. They drink liquor straight and it’s usually a 26oz a day or 40oz every 2 days. People change on fentanyl it is not a good drug at all.

Greentires, I'm sorry you had a bad experience meeting up with someone from here.

I met my internet friend at an Italian place downtown, and we had a great time, It was fun talking about what we do, and where we are in out sober journeys. And the food was really good it not exactly dietician approved..

And sorry about how the brunch turned out and your mother's driving. I would have found that whole situation very triggering. I have difficulty going out for events with relatives, except my brother and my sober cousin, for largely the same reasons.

splitimage

I'm going to try make the cut from 5 to 4 cans of beer a day today. Wish me luck!

It’s not bad when my Aunt Elaine drinks or just has one but when majority of the table is sucking one back I have an issue. I sat there with my pop and a lime slowly drinking it. I was The only one left with pop by the end of it all, which I thought i did quite good. But I was thinking i wasn’t going to get home in one piece. I don’t like how she drives and then insanely denies it sober when I saw her yesterday. A friend of mine says I shouldn’t point fingers I said you weren’t there telling me how I should or shouldn’t act is directly very rude and invasion of directly how I feel towards them all drinking. I told them “just because you party it up with friends and drink wine to the point of drunken disorderly type behaviour. Doesn’t mean you know what it is like to drink everyday for 18 years then pushed into quitting then doing it cold turkey without detox. Then have an weekend binge drinker tell you that I shouldn’t point fingers, what a load of bs. Refrain from doing it for almost 4 years then you have a right to judge or try on my shoes!”

I’m sick Of this culture where it’s okay to drink but never think of the trickle down effect.

My sister told me she was going to be here for a week but plans change. As she books Wednesday but she’s not even here to do anything I am quite annoyed. It’s all about money at her age it’s the 20s don’t ya know.

I like this number

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

325g of kratom was on it's way before I flushed everything and it came in the mail today. I might just use it as a buffer for my addiction like how people use it to get off of heroin.

Then eventually I'll be completely sober. But I'll have a few drinks of alcohol on special occasions cuz I'm not a person that drinks one drink and then can't stop. I managed to flush really addictive drugs cuz they don't really mean much to me anyways so idk..

One day at a time..