Daily Check In #3

@spiltimage

I got heat stroke really bad last year and ended up in the hospital unconscious. I awoke from them putting ice packs all over me. As they undressed me trying to cool me down. I stayed there 3-4 days in the ER with an IV drip and catheter I guess they were concerned I wasn’t letting go any liquids that something was seriously wrong. My mom was informed only when she came by my place trying to find me because I used to contact her every 2 days. Good job I had already been in the hospital for 4 days at that point by the time I was released it was 7 days after I entered the hospital. Heat stroke can be serious I don’t think lot of people understand how much it can be.

I turned my AC on it said it was 79F inside. It’s only 10:30am.

@ greentires

Yikes that sounds scary and must have been really bad. I had heat stroke as a teenager when I was on exchange in France. My case wasn't as bad as your's though. But it did keep me in bed for a couple of days, and has kept me mindful of it ever since.

It's still on the cool side here mid teens C. so it's comfortable. But I'm not looking forward to July and Aug., when it can get to +30 C.

splitimage

I keep my ac at 72 at night and 74 during the day.
I can't imagine how hot that was!
bizi

I had my AC on, but felt hot.... That wasn't a good thing. I'm back at day stupid 0. The only question is when I will wise up and get through this crap.

I am wearing earplugs to go to sleep they have some sort of humidifier in my room with a fan. The pressure and the noise is getting to me. Especially making it a thousands of degrees in here on day of 35C and I came in turned on my AC at 3pm and it said 78F I will have to wake up in the middle of the night to empty my cylinder full of water. I’m pretty sure I might have heat stroke.

My mother bought a bbq from Canadian tire. She definitely has an addiction to shopping because she doesn’t need a bbq. She always talks about how she doesn’t have money. There is no one living with her right now just besides one of my sisters ex boyfriends from her past that’s unreliable with rent money and now has dog. When I knew him he was the one who forced my sister into using meth and weed. She was 14. Then used her as his punching bag. well i phoned the cops the one day I was home from living in jasper, Alberta I found her unconscious with a black eye in her room I had him arrested and taken out of my parents house I didn’t know he had been living there i woke up to commotion in my sisters room and we shared a wall and I heard a slam against it and then sounded like dead weight hit the floor. She had to be out for at least 5 mins I called for ambulance and when they arrived she was still unconscious I told them what I knew. Next thing I knew this kid looked like her friend walks into the room and kicks her as he tried to intervene with the EMT. They call for cops over to dispatch I lost it I was only 20 at the time. I figured out what happened as he stood holding a meth pipe in his hand I took his meth pipe out of his hand ran outside with it right into a rcmp members and handed him over the pipe turned and said it was his. Little did I know my dad paid his bailed him out of jail with a condition to appear. I don’t like him hanging around the house if he was violent at 15 and he’s now 30 I think he’s still violent but with a dog. I got my sister off the meth when she came to stay with me for 5 months just before her 15th birthday. I showed her what a hard earned money was really like considering at that point everything has been given to her until she got a job at 16 as hostess. She’s now 29 and knows what hard earned money is oh how I adore my kid sister. Sometimes I think she thinks I have ulterior motives because when she lived with me for 5 months I worked 16-17 hour days 5-6 days a week back when I was 20. I didn’t get to do much hanging around with her because I was working a lot she got to hang around with all my friends when I was at work some days or in front of my tv with cable then 20 channels I had.

Officially today is 30 days till my next milestone.

When am I going to get wise?

Drugs make me feel comfortable and safe :/

Desoxyn, I get it. I really do. Alcohol, or at least the first 2-3 drinks makes me feel relaxed and safe too. The problem is the comedown, and the next day when withdrawal sucks.

You've posted in the past how drugs negatively affect you, maybe go back and reread some of them.

splitimage

Desoxyn - me too but it’s alcohol that made me feel that way. But it’s not my identity anymore I have moved past that control point of drinking. I still control my life but I don’t drink to alcohol poisoning everyday like I used to. I cling to others instead which is okay for me. And I have trauma counsellor that helps me work through all the trauma I have had in my life. A lot of it i probably accumulated when I was drinking. Since it played a large part in my life for 18 years that I will never get pack.

8 months for me today. Very excited by that. I'm even happier that I made it through the Raptors craziness without having a celebratory drink.
splitimage

Congrats splits

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Ive never done anything like this before. Written it down or admitted it.

I just finished my last line. 3 days bender. I was clean for 2 years. I just get high for two days and look at porn. Im so ashamed.

Drugs definitely negatively affect me. I have had people in my life who tell me alcohol and marijuana positively affect me, but I am trusting myself now and believing my own judgment on it. My experience is that drugs and alcohol negatively affect me. Anyway, I am doing ok today, but I would like to eliminate drugs and alcohol from my life, as they take things in a negative direction...

I can get any drug I want online. Like anything..

It makes me sad.

Sex/porn is everywhere, it's so accessable. Today is day 1. I have got to get a love of God/higher power. He is the one to save me from this awful addiction. But I stopped trusting him a couple of years ago, and now have to clear up my thinking.

I am agitated/antzy.
not good.
bizi
I hope I can sleep tonight.....

I feel like buying thousands of xanax because I'll run out in about a year

I finally slept last night!
bizi

Went to a Double Recovery meeting last night and it was really good. The topic was self care and self compassion. I like the DR a lot more than AA. I'm probably going to go to another one Thurs. morning.

splitimage

2 YEARS!