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childofchaos831
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Default Jul 24, 2019 at 06:09 AM
  #821
Well this happened today...Daily Check In #3

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Default Jul 24, 2019 at 07:00 AM
  #822
Congratulations Childofchaos.

6 months is really awesome. I hope you're going to do something nice for yourself to celebrate.

Keep up doing what you're doing.

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Daily Check In #3
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Default Aug 06, 2019 at 12:57 AM
  #823
It was time to take my beta blocker and I was getting physical anxiety so I smoked a bowl of Temple high CBD strain weed but still was having mental anxiety so I took 1mg alprazolam.

Then I smoked my last cigarette ever. It's almost 12am. That's day 1 of not smoking, August 6th 2019. I've never been so sure that I can quit since I've ever quit. When I did quit, I was an ex-smoker. Now I'm a happy non-smoker.

I'm very relaxed but the relaxation won't last so I'll sleep as I just took a melatonin and 50mg of Seroquel.

I'll wake up very tired as usual and then take my Vyvanse and it will become slightly stressful but I will handle it because I just finished reading "Alan Carr's - The EASYWAY to Stop Smoking". It made me realize that smoking is all brain washing. Cigarettes do absolutely NOTHING for anyone. Cigarette smoking isn't a choice but a drug addiction. Smoking makes people even more stressed, bored, unfocused etc and the only reason that a smoker smokes is due to nicotine withdrawal from the previous cigarette and brainwashing by society, cultural conditioning and the tobacco companies. Smokers already know the health consequences of smoking which makes them want to light up a cigarette.

I recommend the book to anyone who wants to quit smoking. You continue smoking until you're finished the book and can take your time reading it. After 1/3 way through the book, I already wanted to quit but my mom's bf (Who recommended me the book) told me to keep smoking until I'm finished the day that I found out my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. My dad had cancer, aunt, grandfather, great uncle and more. I may have Lynch Syndrome which greatly increases the chances of cancer but that's just one of the things that can cause poor health.

6 million people die every year from smoking. Since the 21st century, over 1 billion people have died from smoking.
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Default Aug 06, 2019 at 07:10 AM
  #824
Belated congratulations to childofchaos831!

Well done!

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Default Aug 06, 2019 at 11:16 AM
  #825
I'm struggling. I badly want to relapse, but won't - just feeling really antsy. Also having urges to SI and I'm not going there. Just in a really bad headspace, and my regular aftercare meeting was cancelled this morning, so am missing that support.

But I'll be ok.

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"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba

Daily Check In #3
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Red face Aug 06, 2019 at 07:11 PM
  #826
hi split,
am sorry you are having such a hard time right now.
What has helped you get thru a time like this?
(((((HUGS)))))
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Default Aug 06, 2019 at 07:24 PM
  #827
Hey there everyone.

I haven't had a drink in a really long time, but some days I feel like relapsing just a little bit. I won't though, I need to keep this in check.

Been sober for over 90 days so far.

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Default Aug 07, 2019 at 06:15 AM
  #828
thanks Bizi,

For me right now, the biggest thing is staying on the Antabuse, so I can't relapse. That forces me to use my tools, from CBT, DBT, Mindfulness, Distractions etc. to get through the rough emotional periods. I think if I went off it, I'd be toast.


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"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn.

"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba

Daily Check In #3
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Default Aug 07, 2019 at 06:15 AM
  #829
Great job LadyShadow!

Congratulations!
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Default Aug 07, 2019 at 01:11 PM
  #830
I haven't had a cigarette in 36 hours. But I was using a bit of nicotine spray. I did that 4 times since then.

I know that I'll never smoke cigarettes again though.
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Default Aug 10, 2019 at 12:43 AM
  #831
Day 5 of not smoking cigarettes. I barely use the nicotine spray at this point because it makes me tired.

I started smoking weed. It makes music sound better, makes me happy, uplifted, euphoric, relaxed and energetic but some strains make me feel unfocused, lazy, couch locked and tired.
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Red face Aug 10, 2019 at 05:15 PM
  #832
I want to try smoking pot for insomnia.
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150mg of lamictal 2x a day
haldol 5mg 2x a day
1mg of cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation


multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon
PRN Remeron 15mg at night,
zyprexa10mg under tongue,
requip2mg.





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Default Aug 10, 2019 at 08:31 PM
  #833
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Originally Posted by bizi View Post
I want to try smoking pot for insomnia.
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I used to smoke medical marijuana and had a card for the dispensary out here then they closed I still can get medical grade just from an online source. I just choose to stop because I suffer from psychosis. But I would smoke it for insomnia reasons. I had my preferred strains but after it seemed they stop carrying them or growing season wasn’t constant I had to try other strains on the side to achieve the same effect.

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Default Aug 13, 2019 at 07:59 PM
  #834
One more day and I'll have 50 days. I'm grateful for recovery
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Default Aug 13, 2019 at 08:21 PM
  #835
Congratulations puzzclar!
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Default Aug 14, 2019 at 02:51 AM
  #836
My moms bipolar friend was talking about how she would take care of me and my sister while my mom was in hospital for breast cancer and was crying and laughing hysterically in intervals. I was wondering why she was in the washroom long beside my room so my mom called her and she left and forgot the line she prepared on the sink with the small bathroom mirror there because she was too drunk. She snorted the line of coke before she left cuz I could see small white flakes left behind. There's a lot of coke in this town. A LOT.

She left before anyone noticed and then me, my mom and my little sister were talking about how she's mentally ill but my mom said that she has responsibility at least a little bit. I mentioned that in order for this to stop happening, people should be educated on drugs and they should be decriminalized.

My mom said that it's natural selection and people will just die off because it's better to not have families deal with the addiction. That really pisses me off because shes basically saying that she would rather have me dead if I continued using. I am a VERY VERY lucky case that I'm still not using heavily like that. I threw my coke and meth away a few months ago. I should have told her that I'd rather she overdose on alcohol so I don't have to worry about her drinking problem anymore??

I was so messed up mentally from my step dads abuse and my mom neglecting me that I was snorting very potent opioids from capsules in the passenger seat while my step dad was driving in the dark. I would get him to pull over to a washroom or mcdonalds where I would snort bath salts.

I know what it's like. But I understand my mom not wanting to be friends with that woman anymore because that's just the way my mom is. If my mom survives breast cancer and doesn't get sudden death from her heart conditions, I'm going to educate her on the brainwashing society puts on drug users and I believe that my mom should support that woman in getting the help that she needs.

There's ways to use coke.. At parties but when you have an addiction like that, you need help and people should be around to support that.

I believe my mom has an excuse to not help her and has to put herself first because she has cancer..

I mean I'm on Vyvanse ffs. That's medicinal speed..

Edit: I talked with my sister and she says I'm just paranoid about my mom wanting me dead so it's ok =]

On another note; I can't stop smoking weed even though I feel better not high. I only like Pineapple Express strain but I'm on the waiting list to get it so all I have is LA Stata and Blue Dream. I don't like those strains. :/
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Default Aug 15, 2019 at 04:55 AM
  #837
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
My moms bipolar friend was talking about how she would take care of me and my sister while my mom was in hospital for breast cancer and was crying and laughing hysterically in intervals. I was wondering why she was in the washroom long beside my room so my mom called her and she left and forgot the line she prepared on the sink with the small bathroom mirror there because she was too drunk. She snorted the line of coke before she left cuz I could see small white flakes left behind. There's a lot of coke in this town. A LOT.


She left before anyone noticed and then me, my mom and my little sister were talking about how she's mentally ill but my mom said that she has responsibility at least a little bit. I mentioned that in order for this to stop happening, people should be educated on drugs and they should be decriminalized.


My mom said that it's natural selection and people will just die off because it's better to not have families deal with the addiction. That really pisses me off because shes basically saying that she would rather have me dead if I continued using. I am a VERY VERY lucky case that I'm still not using heavily like that. I threw my coke and meth away a few months ago. I should have told her that I'd rather she overdose on alcohol so I don't have to worry about her drinking problem anymore??


I was so messed up mentally from my step dads abuse and my mom neglecting me that I was snorting very potent opioids from capsules in the passenger seat while my step dad was driving in the dark. I would get him to pull over to a washroom or mcdonalds where I would snort bath salts.


I know what it's like. But I understand my mom not wanting to be friends with that woman anymore because that's just the way my mom is. If my mom survives breast cancer and doesn't get sudden death from her heart conditions, I'm going to educate her on the brainwashing society puts on drug users and I believe that my mom should support that woman in getting the help that she needs.


There's ways to use coke.. At parties but when you have an addiction like that, you need help and people should be around to support that.


I believe my mom has an excuse to not help her and has to put herself first because she has cancer..


I mean I'm on Vyvanse ffs. That's medicinal speed..


Edit: I talked with my sister and she says I'm just paranoid about my mom wanting me dead so it's ok =]


On another note; I can't stop smoking weed even though I feel better not high. I only like Pineapple Express strain but I'm on the waiting list to get it so all I have is LA Stata and Blue Dream. I don't like those strains. :/


Have you ever tried strawberry cheesecake or gorilla glue #4 or purple kush or black tuna strains? I have. the purple kush is the only one that’s not a hybrid.

My mom is twisted too she believes every addict should end up dead too and frowns upon it. But when I was drinking she enabled me all the way through she would be very abusive towards me by saying stuff that would make me drink the whole 2-6 of vodka in one day. I was an heavy alcoholic I drank for 18 years of my life I tried lots of drugs on the side in my late teens, early 20s. My dad was the enabler he would give me the money for the booze after awhile I would just lie to get money to drink. I drank secretly for years no one ever knew I was an alcoholic because I functioned so well. I came out one day to my boss when I was living in jasper and said I needed help she laughed at me. I was ready for rehab then but I was just 20 and I didnt stop until I was 30. So 10 years later. (I should mention I start sniffing inhalants when I was 9.)

I have an addictive personality so my addiction to alcohol is still there but I decided to put it on hold for now. Now I shop till I drop elsewhere.

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Default Aug 15, 2019 at 06:03 PM
  #838
Quote:
Originally Posted by greentires4me View Post
Have you ever tried strawberry cheesecake or gorilla glue #4 or purple kush or black tuna strains? I have. the purple kush is the only one that’s not a hybrid.

My mom is twisted too she believes every addict should end up dead too and frowns upon it. But when I was drinking she enabled me all the way through she would be very abusive towards me by saying stuff that would make me drink the whole 2-6 of vodka in one day. I was an heavy alcoholic I drank for 18 years of my life I tried lots of drugs on the side in my late teens, early 20s. My dad was the enabler he would give me the money for the booze after awhile I would just lie to get money to drink. I drank secretly for years no one ever knew I was an alcoholic because I functioned so well. I came out one day to my boss when I was living in jasper and said I needed help she laughed at me. I was ready for rehab then but I was just 20 and I didnt stop until I was 30. So 10 years later. (I should mention I start sniffing inhalants when I was 9.)

I have an addictive personality so my addiction to alcohol is still there but I decided to put it on hold for now. Now I shop till I drop elsewhere.
No I haven't tried those strains. I smoked some LA Strada today and it made me dysphoric, grumpy, sad, down on myself, self blaming and I had negative thinking. I started raising my voice to my dad. When it wore off, I apologized and was able to talk freely again with a personality. So I'm not going to smoke weed anymore until I get the Pineapple Express strain. I'll try other strains too but not now. For now I'm just going to not smoke weed because my mind is cloudy and foggy.

I took 3g of phenibut because I needed to reset my brain. I wish I could just be sober but that's really hard..
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Default Aug 18, 2019 at 08:49 AM
  #839
I hit 10 months sober yesterday. Feeling happy about that.

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"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn.

"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba

Daily Check In #3
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Default Aug 18, 2019 at 01:17 PM
  #840
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I hit 10 months sober yesterday. Feeling happy about that.

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Wtg splitimage! Soon it will be 1 year.

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