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Default Oct 26, 2018 at 02:29 PM
  #1
I've been sober from alcohol for 23 months. I was a late-stage alcoholic. I went all the way down to the actual gutter. But no major health issues, like my liver, etc. But the worst part is, reality hits you BAM in the face. All my past traumas that I had deeply buried now all resurfaced. They haunt my every waking hour. Im also afraid I have some different personality disorders that caused me to start drinking in the first place. So reality is tough. I'm not even happy I'm sober cuz my messed-up head continues to hinder me as a functional human being. I'm so screwed up. I'm terrified of all the things that could be wrong with my brain & my way of thinking! I'm glad I found this site and that it's on Tapatalk. I'm pretty much a brand new member here. I hope some nice member here has advice for me. I'm completely alone, also. I have zero friends. I'm living in an empty desert. Thanks for reading & have a good day.
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Red face Oct 27, 2018 at 09:29 PM
  #2
Thank you for sharing.
I am sorry that you are feeling alone.
Do you have insurance? It sounds like you could really need a professional to help you with these thoughts and feelings from past traumas.
We are not professionals here.
Congratulations on the 23 months sober that is quite an accomplishment, that you can feel proud of.
I continue to post here and check daily I will keep an eye for a response from you. Let me know how I can support you best.
(((((HUGS)))))
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Default Oct 27, 2018 at 10:37 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by shovelhead View Post
I've been sober from alcohol for 23 months. I was a late-stage alcoholic. I went all the way down to the actual gutter. But no major health issues, like my liver, etc. But the worst part is, reality hits you BAM in the face. All my past traumas that I had deeply buried now all resurfaced. They haunt my every waking hour. Im also afraid I have some different personality disorders that caused me to start drinking in the first place. So reality is tough. I'm not even happy I'm sober cuz my messed-up head continues to hinder me as a functional human being. I'm so screwed up. I'm terrified of all the things that could be wrong with my brain & my way of thinking! I'm glad I found this site and that it's on Tapatalk. I'm pretty much a brand new member here. I hope some nice member here has advice for me. I'm completely alone, also. I have zero friends. I'm living in an empty desert. Thanks for reading & have a good day.
Wish I knew something easy that would help but I don't. Only thing I can think of is to maybe take one memory at a time and shove the rest to the right of some virtual bookend. And take it easy even with that memory. My thoughts are with you.
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Default Oct 30, 2018 at 09:24 PM
  #4
Members bizi and Mopey...Thank u both so much for your kind replies to me. bizi, I don't have insurance unfortunately. And Mopey, that's a great idea to take things slow, one day at a time. That's an AA motto, actually. I think everything comes rushing back with sobriety. Cuz now my brain is clear from a daily fog of alcoholism. There's an excellent alcoholism recovery forum I found. I've been meaning to log back in there. There's members there who've been recovered from alcoholism for 20+ years. They'd have some valuable/helpful info. for me, I'm sure. Cuz some of my problems are due to alcoholism. That crap is really a monster, tho. I actually stay away from that alcohol website cuz it seemed to trigger me to want to drink. Cuz that's all that's discussed. Now I've been sober a much longer period of time, tho. So I might try site again. bizi, your reply was very caring & I appreciate it. This seems like a wonderful website to me. I will keep reading here to help myself. Thank u both again. Have a good day/night & Stay Great!
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Red face Oct 30, 2018 at 10:15 PM
  #5
If you belonged to some church they have(usually) some sort of counseling service. I went to a baptist counseling service a while ago and they charge on a sliding scale. Started at $10 an hour.
I was going to a NAMI support group and that is where I got the name of that particular therapist.
I am sorry it is so hard for you right now....it will get easier once you work thru some of your memories.
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Default Oct 30, 2018 at 10:45 PM
  #6
I hear what you're saying. After my ex and I broke up I binged hard for quite awhile. It was until I met my current that I slowly sobered up (been sober 8 mo. now) and all this emotional backlog has come rushing back, I feel like I'm in the midsts of my darkest days as a teenager and its driving me and everyone around me bloody crazy! My advice, get a Therapist. Write it down. Do anything you need to do to channel those thoughts into something positive.
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Thumbs up Oct 30, 2018 at 11:10 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by WinterWolf View Post
I hear what you're saying. After my ex and I broke up I binged hard for quite awhile. It was until I met my current that I slowly sobered up (been sober 8 mo. now) and all this emotional backlog has come rushing back, I feel like I'm in the midsts of my darkest days as a teenager and its driving me and everyone around me bloody crazy! My advice, get a Therapist. Write it down. Do anything you need to do to channel those thoughts into something positive.
Good job on your 8 months of sobriety!
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PRN Remeron 15mg at night,
zyprexa10mg under tongue,
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Default Oct 31, 2018 at 10:45 AM
  #8
23 months of sobriety is a great accomplishment... don't downplay it, be proud of yourself I'm sorry you're struggling
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Red face Oct 31, 2018 at 11:11 PM
  #9
How are you doing?
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Default Nov 02, 2018 at 12:10 AM
  #10
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U are so great, I told u! Sober from alcohol & past traumas resurfaceSober from alcohol & past traumas resurface I've been craving alcohol & want to go buy some tomorrow. November I am 24 months sober, I think? Cravings can be worked thru, tho. Like I can pour myself into my artwork. Would be a much better idea than buying that garbage. It solves nothing. Alcohol causes a ton more problems to deal with. I'll get over this. Thanks so much, bizi Sober from alcohol & past traumas resurface
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Default Nov 02, 2018 at 01:13 AM
  #11
Hugs... ShovelHead.
Go you, seriously!

I am sorry if this is long and unwanted but..
Me...I used to love coke, while in reality I used to grab anything-- coke held a special place in my heart, as it made me numb and a different self could come out and play.. I didn't care I was "messed up", I embraced some of it even.. though my journey may differ from others.

Coke was one substance that for me, I was addicted to.
haven't done coke since April 2008 ... I still get cravings ... and it took a few slips before the last time...

I often times In the beginning would ask myself
"Why would I go do it? I have went this much time " some times play the game of "why not to do it" or "what can I do besides that to feel better" which from your posts If understand, you relate.

May not be till months later or even year later, I'd realize how those small moments of triumph meant so much.
They add up.
And also I am a believer that if one slips, they can always try again ((cigs are my struggle these days ... I slip a lot but I find when I beat myself up on it, my "quit tomorrow " is longer than if I forgave myself )).. there's articles on this topic too.. self forgiveness can be a powerful thing.

I sometimes wish I would had gotten professional help earlier, always told it would had made things easier but any help, art, self care... etc is still so valuable. A tool box some call it... things to assist you while you go through your journey.

Many well thoughts...

I wish Leed was here, they helped me ((and many)) with some words of wisdom when I first joined PC... very kind and supportive soul.. their post I would like to share with you as I feel it holds merit - they posted a lot in this section..
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Default Nov 04, 2018 at 01:22 AM
  #12
beauflow: thank u for your excellent post, here! I really appreciate it & I'm going to reply to u, another day. Promise. I just wanted to write here that I'm sort of worried. We have to put our dog down at vet's probably tomorrow. He has a tumor on his head and so he's sick and dying. He's had seizures. So, we're hopefully going to take care of this tomorrow. I just looked up info. There's a vet here open on sunday. I'm afraid cuz I've been craving alcohol, that this might push me to drink, again. This will be a test of my sobriety. I'll write more later. Thanks for reading.
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Default Nov 04, 2018 at 10:38 AM
  #13
(((ShovelHead)))

I am so sorry about your furrybabby
Sending many many hugs and supportive vibes.

Animals can bring so much to us humans.
You do what you need to do for you and your dog... I am so sorry though that it's like this though.
I am sorry again ...

Please keep reaching out when you're ready.. take your time with your emotions and self.

I believe you seeing in yourself and the worry, has so much power and in a way is preparing you for what may come.

One of the best pieces of wording I've found with grief is -- grief over lose is love... it's painful but it is love.
Grief is not punishment
And there's no time limit with grief.

Many well thoughts, many strong vibes.

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Default Nov 22, 2018 at 02:50 PM
  #14
HI! I didn't want to post here again/ was avoiding this thread...cuz I wrote about my dog that passed on, here. I took care of our dog and took him to get put down. It went smoothly & easily cuz he was so tired that morning, already. He was just going downhill very quickly, I noticed. I'm still completely sober. I didn't touch a drop. I'm glad our dog went super peacefully. Had a shot and went quickly to sleep. I'll always cherish the comfort & companionship. I do miss him here, with me! If anyone here said a little prayer for me, I want to let u know it really worked! I was so strong, It surprised me. Thank you so much! Everyone that read here, or commented to me about the situation with our dog. The tumor was visible, it was hurting poor boy. Thanks Again, I really believe someone special sent me a prayer, somehow & somewhere! Sober from alcohol & past traumas resurfaceSober from alcohol & past traumas resurfaceSober from alcohol & past traumas resurfaceSober from alcohol & past traumas resurface

Last edited by shovelhead; Nov 22, 2018 at 03:47 PM..
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