The Reality of Relapse

I normally am one to stay far away from sharing war-stories as I usually don't think that they contribute much in the way of healing and instead lead to inaccurate daydreaming which is everything but helpful.

But, for the sake of healing and for being honest about where we were and where we want to be (plus, I can't argue with the entertainment value of it all), I want to create a post to discuss our past (or current) relapse stories. Hopefully, this will work as a strong reminder to stay clear-headed and focus on what matters most; Our Recovery, the promises to ourselves, and the hear and now.

My last one truly was a bottom for me. I had started injecting fentanyl-laced heroin that no longer got me high, it would just keep me well for a few hours. I was taking literally anything anyone would offer me. This led me to a pretty serious crack addiction. I had Hepatitis-C and could hardly keep down any food at all. I was so sick and my liver was failing. I spent more time at a shady dirty crack house in the hood than I did at home with my beautiful wife. I did this every single day. I thought about ending my life, as this was no way to live. My wife didn't trust me... Hell, I didn't trust me. I spent everything we earned on the daily management of my addiction. It was a personal hell for me I hope never to return to and wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

One night I was laying there in withdrawals and I realized I can either die, or I can do something about this. The next morning I got up at 3:30am to go wait in line at a recovery clinic that offered public grant assisted MAT (medication-assisted treatment), mental health support, personal therapy, group therapy, and as much support as you could imagine. By 1:00 that day I was receiving help for my addiction as well as my mental and physical health. I truly believe this was one of the best decisions I ever made. They saved my life that day. Because of this support system, I haven't picked up since and I owe my life to a power much greater than myself.

If anyone feels they would benefit by sharing their story, I would love to hear it. It felt going sharing my story and I appreciate you taking the time to read it.

Thank you so much for making this thread, BonsaiGuy! I hope it will help someone here at PC. Sharing our past stories can be helpful to see the growth and progress we've made throught the years, even if it's small. I'm so happy that you're in a better place now, and that you're here with us to share it! I know for sure that PC would already feel a lot emptier without your kind and supportive posts. Be proud of yourself! Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always available if you need to talk. Sending many hugs to you

Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. how is your marriage now? Has your wife forgiven you?
Yours is a story of inspiration, am happy you found such great support from your community.
wishing you warm wishes for today and for the days ahead of you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Thank you so much for your response.

My marriage now is the best it's ever been. My wife and I are very happy and are growing together every single day. To repair the damage done, I practice rigorous honesty with her and I believe that has played a huge role in her forgiving me. In the past, we would ignore problems and not really communicate. Now, we talk about everything even if it hurts my outrageous ego (which is honestly a good thing!).

She is the core of my recovery support group and my best friend and soulmate. I love her more than anything in the world and our growing relationship is a huge motivation to stay on the path that we are on together.

I adore you bonzai guy I will share my story soon Im getting the kids and husband out the door for school and work now-a three ring circus!

I can't wait to hear it. Thank you so much, Sarahsweets.

I was actually just thinking the other day how the internet can be used to do horrible things, but can also be used to connect people who wouldn't have otherwise met and be a source of incredible joy and support.

I hope this doesn't sounds corny, but I thought specifically of you and MickeyCheeky I really enjoy having you two around

MickeyCheeky, I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate this post. I keep a morning gratitude journal and I wrote about your response this morning. I have been working on supporting myself as I do others with positive affirmations. I thank you for putting these words in my life