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Old 04-21-2019, 05:22 PM #1
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Question Anyone punished for telling the truth?

I drink. Not as bad as it could be...not as good as it should be.

So, alcohol is my drug of choice for anxiety and stress and my husband has seen me really s***faced at times. I'm ashamed. He wanted me to confide in him when I felt I needed a drink so he could help. He said he would be there for me.

So, on my journey to not drinking, I slipped. I've hidden the "slips" from him but, I didn't want to do the big lie again. Yes, I could have hid it from him (again) but, wanted to come clean. So, admittedly and well-ashamed and asking forgiveness, I told the truth.

Yes, I drank...too much.

Now...the punishment begins.

SIlent treatment.
No acceptance for apology (ok..., I guess I understand that. I have a hard time with forgiveness, too)
No communication at all whatsoever.

Funny thing, in church today (Easter) the message was in part on repentance.

"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy." AND "...Confess your sins to each other and pray so you may be healed."

I am not big into religion BUT, these messages seemed to be written for me today.

And, as religious as my husband is I thought that he would have reconsidered the "punishment."

NOPE.

Strong as ever.

Is today's r-e-a-l lesson: Hide the truth?

Thoughts?
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Old 04-21-2019, 06:55 PM #2
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Default Re: Anyone punished for telling the truth?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gottastopdepression View Post
I drink. Not as bad as it could be...not as good as it should be.

So, alcohol is my drug of choice for anxiety and stress and my husband has seen me really s***faced at times. I'm ashamed. He wanted me to confide in him when I felt I needed a drink so he could help. He said he would be there for me.

So, on my journey to not drinking, I slipped. I've hidden the "slips" from him but, I didn't want to do the big lie again. Yes, I could have hid it from him (again) but, wanted to come clean. So, admittedly and well-ashamed and asking forgiveness, I told the truth.

Yes, I drank...too much.

Now...the punishment begins.

SIlent treatment.
No acceptance for apology (ok..., I guess I understand that. I have a hard time with forgiveness, too)
No communication at all whatsoever.

Funny thing, in church today (Easter) the message was in part on repentance.

"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy." AND "...Confess your sins to each other and pray so you may be healed."

I am not big into religion BUT, these messages seemed to be written for me today.

And, as religious as my husband is I thought that he would have reconsidered the "punishment."

NOPE.

Strong as ever.

Is today's r-e-a-l lesson: Hide the truth?

Thoughts?
Sorry you are struggling Gotastopdepression. Perhaps he's scared and hasn't found a healthier way to process his fear? Is it possible that he's not trying to punish you but sort of shut down because he doesn't know what to do?

Marriage counseling with an experienced therapist? Would that help?

In response to your Q, no I don't think hiding the truth is the answer. That would be another burden for you. And not the path to peace. Or was that a rhetorical question? I hope you two can find another way. I wish you peace and hope. You deserve it.
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Old 04-21-2019, 07:56 PM #3
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Default Re: Anyone punished for telling the truth?

marriage counseling is a good idea.
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Old 04-21-2019, 09:10 PM #4
gottastopdepression gottastopdepression is offline
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Default Re: Anyone punished for telling the truth?

Just as an fyi...I go to counseling. (PTSD, anxiety, depression) Asked multiple times over the years for him to go (His view: You aren't strong if you need meds or therapy.)
Also went to priest. Revealed this and other areas. Wanted him to go. Short answer: No.
Also, have MD. Same offer. Same response.

Thank you for your hug, answers and suggestions, though.
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