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Crazygrl882
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Default Jun 27, 2019 at 10:07 PM
  #1
I posted before. I am having trouble coping with my dad’s death. It’s been three months and it was sudden and I watched him die in the hospital. They stopped the medications and his blood pressure dropped until his heart stopped. I was ok at first. Then I started to want people around me all the time. I have people come over and drink with me and we always have like a bottle of wine and then some vodka. Or else have vodka. I’m going through these vodka bottles pretty fast. I’m drinking like every other day minimum and if I go out with my friend sometimes I’m bringing extra alcohol in my purse or I go to the bar without them knowing to get an extra drink without them knowing. I don’t want to tell my therapist and I did tell my sister that I’ve been drinking more than normal and she said that that’s not a way to cope it just hides your feelings. I just can’t seem to be able to cope with the feelings of grief in a healthy way. I do work out but that doesn’t seem to be enough. Any advice from therapy or grief support groups doesn’t seem to work. I just get bad anxiety and want to something about it. For some reason my two friends seem to think drinking all the time is perfectly fine. I didn’t drink for a long time before this. I used to not drink maybe like once every 6 months. I went like a full year without drinking. Not for any reason just because I didn’t feel like it. I’m afraid this is going down a bad road and I don’t know what I should do. My boyfriend also started fighting with me for months after my dad died making things worse for me stress wise. He decided to change the relationship and basically take a break. Hopefully that will help a bit. Any advice would help....

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Red face Jun 28, 2019 at 07:27 AM
  #2
Firstly, do you have a therapist? If not then I would recommend you getting one. They will help you process your grief over your Dads passing.
It is very traumatic to have a loss like this.
I used to sneak too.

I believe you have to change your habits in order to break free.
Perhaps make non alcoholic drinks to serve your friends.
Perhaps it is a good idea to take a break from your boy friend. Was he a drinker as well?
Good luck in your journey toward better health.
I abuse alcohol and have come to turms with it. It is my body, my responsibility.

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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 12:33 PM
  #3
My dad died a two months and 2 weeks after I got clean and sober. I could have gone back to drinking but I didn’t. I stayed sober but for myself. I never went to grief counseling groups i also watched my dad die in the hospital. But he died from cancer as it ravished his body. I don’t know if I could if I could forgive my mother she took me and my sister to see my dad dead at hospice. Something about the lifeless shell doesn’t make me want to remember him like that. But it’s horrifying but that’s the way she wanted us to say goodbye I resent that fact.

Years later I clinged to a trauma counsellor. I felt as though all the world was against me for letting my dad die. Since he wasn’t very old and he lived a medical complicated life. But at first grief plays with heart strings we do anything to cope before we slide down that slippery slope. Some people cry all the time others get really angry and others stuff all those emotions into the bottle within themselves. You already know somewhere something’s unhealthy but you don’t know what.

Where I stopped my sister started she started drinking everyday. At Christmas she was so drunk that she walked into the door of the open fridge and passed out. She seemed to want to cuddle with the litter box. I picked her up off the ground and made her walk to her room. Boxing Day she had hang over I would to if I walked into a fridge door. She was grouchy and didn’t want to hear mom play music at noon to clean the house but neither did I. She got into arguments with her boyfriends but I could see why.

She stopped drinking everyday I think because she started to find different things to love like yoga and a new boyfriend with a kid attachment. She also found a different work setting different work friends meant different outlooks in life.

I don’t know if we ever get over it, it just that it evolves as we evolve. And we find ourselves somewhere sometimes better then the first time. Or some people worse then the first time.

Maybe look into a trauma counsellor, a new addictions counsellor and therapist that supports a different direction in life. Maybe even a different line of work or filling yourself with something you love doing and/or passionate about. I am sure you have skills we all do they just become a little weathered and tattered when something big in our lives effects us so much.

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Default Jul 03, 2019 at 01:34 PM
  #4
Hi Crazygrl882,

Real sorry you're having to deal with such hardship. Very sorry about your father too. Very saddening.

It does sound like you're not happy with your drinking so can you just not drink so much, like you did in the past? Give it a try, see how you go. Or maybe do social things with your friends that don't need to involve drinking. See it as a change for your health, a lifestyle change.
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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 12:17 AM
  #5
I do not know if you are becoming and alcoholic but I am one and it started with regular drinks with friends.

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Default Sep 09, 2019 at 07:56 PM
  #6
You for sure seem to be coping with your Dads death with alcohol...possibly it is the escape that works for now....Just really monitor it....I feel like you don't have a "drinking" problem...but a COPING problem....I feel that way because you said you quit before and for no reason..To me that means this is a really bad time for you and that you learned along the way that alcohol takes away severe "mind and heart pain".

No one knows how you feel except your sister and apparantley she is coping in other ways...If you were my sister I would just tell you to be careful...and don't ever drink and drive...make sure you get home safely even if you have to call the police to bring you home....do not make your life worse by getting a ticket or by killing someone else...

I hear you say you are drinking the vodkas really fast...Vodka is super strong...so really make sure you take care of yourself nutritionally and hydrate a lot....Of course try not to drink as much vodka or anything else...try to make a "limit" to the amount so that you are aware that this could damage you and your Dad wouldn't want that.

I hope eventually (soon) you can get some other relief from the pain of losing your Dad...work out harder, or invest yourself more in the relationships in your family...or something else that makes you feel good and start to turn away from the alcohol....3 months ago....you weren't doing this...so it is all about your grief....

I'm sorry you lost your Father...I hope you can find a way soon to cut down or cut out the alcohol...but I wouldn't worry about "labeling" yourself with any condition during this time....

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