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WpgMom
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Angry Aug 01, 2019 at 01:41 PM
  #1
I am not sure what I even want to say about this or what kind of feedback I am looking for.
He has been an alcoholic for close to 30 years. Last night my parents told my husband and me that he and his wife (she is just as bad an addict as he is) have separated and he has checked into a 30 day program. I was shocked because I honestly thought he was so far gone there was no hope for him. It never occurred to me to even suggest such a thing to him.
I am so angry with him for so many things. I have been for a long time. I am glad if this works and things can get better for him, but I am still so mad. First, he couldn't have picked a worse time. My mom is right in the middle of chemo and she has fairly advanced osteoporosis. She has bigger things to worry about and now she is pushing herself to go with my dad to take care of his house and other affairs. Sunday is family counselling at the center. She has chemo on Friday so she will probably be very sick on Sunday but she is determined to lay in the back of the car with a bucket if she has to. She shouldn't have to do this!
He has also over the years caused our family to be torn apart. He has no relationship with his kids (and so we have also lost that relationship). He was abusive to them so they want nothing to do with him. He's never seen his grandchildren (and he's not an age that he should even have grandchildren). His main relationships with women have ended in spectacular fashion resulting in huge problems for my extended family.
So what do I do with all this anger? I know this is an amazingly great step. I know he has a sickness. But I am still really mad.
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Smile Aug 02, 2019 at 12:03 PM
  #2
Well... I'm not really sure what to say about this. From my perspective, all I think I can say is your brother needs to do what he needs to do. And your mother has to do what she has to do. That's the end of it.

What do you do with your anger? I think the obvious answer is to work through it with the help of a skilled mental health therapist. But then here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of how to let go of anger:

4 Ways to Let Go of Anger

4 Tools For Letting Go Of Anger

7 Tips to Control Anger

Free Yourself From Anger, Hurt, And Resentment NOW | Sorting Out Your Life

My best wishes to you...

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Default Aug 06, 2019 at 12:00 AM
  #3
Have you looked for Al-anon meetings for yourself? they are for families of alcoholics and addicts.Find A Meeting I completely understand where you are coming from. I am an alcoholic with 7 years sober and my 19 year old ran away and got into drugs and alcohol and then went to rehab and we are trying to repair the damage now. I know his rehab stint isnt good timing but if he is serious about getting help then this just might be his time. The good thing is if he does it the right way he will be able to help your parents, get a job and make financial amends. The bad news if he is just giving it a go and isnt sure he wants it then its a waste of his time. Do you have to be involved with him? Like I get the family counseling but what if he relapses. Do you need to deal with him if that happens? Is the wife getting treatment? Separated or not the spouse always needs to get treatment if they are also and addict.

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Default Aug 06, 2019 at 11:01 AM
  #4
It only gets worse. So the night before my mom's chemo my parents got a call that the police boarded up his house. It ended up his wife told them he had guns. He didn't but once they got in there his electrical is so messed up it's a miracle he and his wife weren't burned to death in a drunken stupor.
So now my husband and son are running all over the province cleaning up his mess (they are supposed to be with me on vacation) my dad is barely coping (we are all terrified he is not going to survive all the worry) my mom is hanging in after her chemo and my brother, well he is meditating, going for walks and swimming because the rest of us are cleaning up his mess. Again.
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Default Aug 06, 2019 at 11:53 AM
  #5
[Thank you for replying. Congratulations on your recovery. I can't imagine how hard that is.
I am planning to try Al Anon. I found one at lunch time near my work so I will give it a chance. I am not sure if it will work for me because I don't know how motivated I am. I am really angry ( I guess I mentioned that) and I really just want him to grow up and take care of himself and leave me alone. I don't want anything else from him. Well except I want him to stop doing things that are killing my parents.
Yep. That's it, don't kill my parents and leave me alone. It doesn't seem like too much to ask.
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