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bizi
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bizi happines is a decision
 
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Unhappy Sep 29, 2019 at 09:26 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by BermudaRectangle View Post
Day 7 without drinking or porn.
Still walking for miles listening to music trying to just exhaust myself by at least doing something not detrimental. Also finally had a full meal for the first time in about a week and saw a movie.
But I break down crying for her as soon as I get home. I am so sad and so guilty and so ashamed. And she has not unblocked me, and although her Instagram is public I don't want to try messaging her because I know that will just make things worse. This is probably the single worst thing I have ever done in my life in terms of irreversible mistakes. And I know everyone will say that is why you have to stop drinking. Which I get but the only reason I met her in the first place was because I went drinking while listening to some live music. So I guess in that sense I would never have met her and would not be missing her now had I never been drinker. But I don't want to have not met her. This is just horrible.

Anyway I will keep pressing on to the next day.
But if you had never met her then you would not be having this terrible heart ache.
bizi

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BermudaRectangle
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Default Sep 30, 2019 at 07:18 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by bizi View Post
But if you had never met her then you would not be having this terrible heart ache.
bizi
True, but everyone has heartache somehow. I know this particular lesson is mostly about over-drinking combined with the past few years that I have spent trying to medicate my anger with porn. But I guess now I don't know how I can be honest with any woman about what I have done. Yet being dishonest isn't good, either.

Oh well. I'm still licking my wounds so I have some time to think about this.

Thanks.
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