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Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Blackwood, NJ
Posts: 243
11 28 hugs
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Oct 15, 2019 at 04:29 PM
#1
My BF relapsed after 3.5 yrs clean and I don't know what to think, feel, do...I told him from day one that I am not looking for "perfection" just 100% honesty. At the same time though, the addiction is unacceptable and there needs to be accountability somewhere. I cannot and should not be the accountability (I don't think??), but I do have to have boundaries with consequences if/when they are broken. For me personally, I feel like I am in a black fog. I'm having GREAT difficulty functioning at work. I'm barely even thinking about anything at all really. I have no idea what to do...
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 bpcyclist, Buffy01
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 bpcyclist, Buffy01
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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Oct 16, 2019 at 03:30 AM
#2
What did he relapse on?
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Blackwood, NJ
Posts: 243
11 28 hugs
given |
Oct 16, 2019 at 02:48 PM
#3
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| bpcyclist, Buffy01
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Buffy01
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,490
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Oct 16, 2019 at 07:20 PM
#4
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| bpcyclist
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,490
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Oct 16, 2019 at 07:23 PM
#5
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| bpcyclist
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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Oct 16, 2019 at 07:57 PM
#6
Are there treatment options available for him? Does he have a sponsor? Does he/did he go to meetings? Any potential legal consequences for him?
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Member
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Blackwood, NJ
Posts: 243
11 28 hugs
given |
Oct 18, 2019 at 12:49 AM
#7
So it turns out he has been struggling with it off and on for almost a year (he lost his job unexpectedly a year ago), but just the last 3 weeks the figurative dam burst and the addiction took hold of him. Yesterday I gave him the choice of 1. A detox center, 2. Detox at my parents
(mydad is a counselor with drug rehab experience), or 3. The drug, but staying at home (with me) using was no longer an option...he packed some stuff and left.. On his bike..in the pouring rain (he doesn't own a car). Fast forward to tonight , he contacted me and has decided to go to a local detox, then IOP program. I will be Lord willing, knock on wood, picking him up tomorrow to take him. PLEASE think of me and keep me in your prayers. I am stressed/emotional roller coaster right now. Any thoughts, suggestions, encouragement is MUCH welcomed |
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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4 40.2k hugs
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Oct 18, 2019 at 06:57 PM
#8
Very happy to hear that he is willing to go. Unfortunately, as someone who has been through this multiple times before I finally got it, all you can really do is just be there and try to be as supportive as you feel you can, given that your primary job is to take care of you. He is going to have to do this. And it can't be done for you. He has to do it because he wants it. As I have said before, addicts quit when they are done. Period. If he isn't done, he won't quit. Sadly, many addicts don't do this until the consequences have become catastrophic. Lost house, lost job, lost partner, lost kids, lost friends. Lost everything. Sometimes, that's what it takes. Your boyfriend is extremely lucky to have you at this point. If I were you, I would reiterate to him that you are not staying around if he does not do this. He needs the motivation.
Thinking of you and sending you positive vibes and prayers. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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