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Old 07-09-2020, 02:33 AM   #111
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On diazepam taper. I only took one. It's been 3 days without a benzo! 600mg of phenibut tomorrow.
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Old 07-10-2020, 06:57 PM   #112
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Was going to buy Soma then last minute changed my mind and made chamomile tea
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Old 07-14-2020, 01:41 AM   #113
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I bought heroin and it doesn't let me cancel my order.

The reason that I want to cancel my order is because I think of my dad. I did it in spite of my mom because she continues to neglect me when my mental health is really bad.

My dad is the only thing grounding me.

I told my mom about the last time I ordered heroin and she threw it away after it arrived. But I don't care about what she thinks anymore because of her drinking, reckless behaviour and manipulation of me.

I ordered it because of her but I can't blame other people right? I have to blame myself. The fact that I'm suffering and can't even leave my room without having to deal with all of the ********.

I called my therapist last week and she was setting me up with supports but it seems hopeless. I just want the mental pain to go away.
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Old 07-14-2020, 01:44 AM   #114
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I honestly think that my mom doesn't care about me. My death seems like it would just be another dramatic story for her to whine about to get attention but it's likelier that it would be the only thing that would put an end to her delusional mental fantasy land.
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Old 07-14-2020, 01:54 AM   #115
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Am I being irrational? I think I'm being completely rational. I'm clear minded and very aware under my circumstances.

My mom needs to learn to stop drinking
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Old 07-19-2020, 04:44 PM   #116
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Down to 400mg of phenibut. Will take 350mg tomorrow. Almost there.. Took 2.5mg of diazepam yesterday. It's more of a mind thing now.
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Old 07-24-2020, 12:04 AM   #117
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Drank alcohol. My whole family drank alcohol alone/or with friends. Then we came together, cried. My mom will try and stop drinking tomorrow for 2 weeks. I'll have to support her or idk cuz she doesn't believe she has a problem - Just like I never believed I had a problem.

I took 2.5mg of diazepam which helped with the hangover feeling after the alcohol wore off an hour or two later.

I'm down to 350mg of phenibut! Will take 300mg tomorrow.. I'm so proud of myself.....
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Old 07-29-2020, 11:08 PM   #118
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Still taking 350mg of phenibut. On day 2 of not taking benzos. Tomorrow will be day 3. I'm gonna try and go 2 weeks without them.

My mom is on almost a week of no alcohol!
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Old 07-30-2020, 09:41 AM   #119
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Way to go Desoxyn, keep trying. And good news on your Mom.
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Old 08-01-2020, 03:49 PM   #120
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Addiction update;

- On 350mg of phenibut (Half of what it was).
- Trying to go 2 weeks without any benzo (On day 3 I took 1/4 (2.5mg) of a diazepam. It's been two days since then.. So basically 5 days without a benzo !)
- I don't think I'm taking any other drugs? Nicotine gum and coffee..
- My last cigarette was on August 6th of 2019.
- Stopped taking Ashwagandha because it makes my OCD symptoms much worse.
- Taking all meds (Invega Sustenna, olanzepine, Vyvanse, zopiclone, atenolol, minocycline).
- Taking vitamin C, D and a fish oil a day.
- Not taking psilocybe microdose cuz dealing with depersonalization every night.
- My mom hasn't drank alcohol in over a week.
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