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Old 08-02-2020, 12:00 AM   #121
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My mom made it 8 days without drinking. She's drunk now. I don't have the will to continue being sober because of that. I know in my head that that's irrational but if she triggers me in the future (Which I'm sure she will), this is why I'm saying that.

She only cares about looking good for modelling so she exercises and starves herself when not drinking.

It's because she has histrionic personality disorder.

She's at her friends house. My sister told her friends that she's a bad influence and they are. My moms friend probably pressured my her into getting drunk.
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Old 08-02-2020, 12:08 AM   #122
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Maybe I should support my mom for staying sober for 8 days and tell her to try again. I'm not disappointed in her. I just don't want her getting ****-faced drunk almost every night.

Time will play out so I can understand this more.. She couldn't quit for 2 weeks so she has to admit that she has a problem - Which obviously I know that that won't happen.
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Old 08-03-2020, 01:40 PM   #123
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Day 7 without a benzo. Will take 350mg of phenibut today.

Feeling slight withdrawal (Because I didn't take the phenibut yet) but it's completely fine.

I slept 18 hours - So I'm getting a good amount of sleep because of waking up early (6am) 3 days in a row to go to work. I didn't even take a zopiclone last night.

I've been trying to get off GABA drugs for maybe a year now. Progress has been made - As long as I keep trying.

My mom isn't drinking again. She said that she just cheated once. So 10 or so days without drinking!
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Old 08-04-2020, 03:13 PM   #124
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Day 8 without a benzo. 300mg of phenibut today.
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Old 08-07-2020, 12:54 PM   #125
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Relapse. Was in AA but don't think that is for me. Been in/around for near 19 years always miserable. The god thing is irritating and I don't and won't and can't believe he exists. New revelations of things that have happened that I don't remember but found things in my writing that tell me at some time I did remember and my mind just pushed them back away again. Theres no fn way I can or will do AA again or have anything to do with god if he even exists.
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Old 08-08-2020, 07:42 AM   #126
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Hi Striving4Thriving, welcome to psych central. AA wasn't my thing either, but there are other programs out there. There's SMART Recovery, which is a CBT based approach that a lot of my friends use and like. And if you're female there's Women for Sobriety, which is my program that I love. I do think it's easier to stay sober if you have the support of other people and some kind of program.

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Old 08-08-2020, 12:28 PM   #127
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Right now my body is screaming for alcohol. I really want to drink. The cause? I dropped the dose, by 20%, of one of my medications that has serious sedative side effects and my CNS is in overdrive in response. I feel like I'm going through alcohol withdrawal, even though I haven't had anything to drink. It sucks.

But I'm not going to drink. First and foremost, I'm still taking antabuse so drinking would be spectacularly stupid and just make me really sick, so there's no way I'd do that.

I'm drinking copious amounts of a herbal tea that's calming, and that's taking the edge off somewhat, but not completely.


I hate that every time I make a med change, my brain goes immediately to alcohol. I had kind of hoped I'd be beyond that at this point.

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Old 08-09-2020, 06:55 PM   #128
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Another absolutely horrible day for craving alcohol, I've been going out of my mind wanting to drink. But I've made it through the day, and the liquor stores are now closed and I can't be bothered to clean myself up enough to go to a bar so I'm safe.

I actually resorted to calling some friends and the distress centre to make it through, which is huge for me in terms of new coping strategies. So that's a positive I guess. Didn't resort to si either even though that was also really tempting.

Some days I just hate my life.

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"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba



Daily Check In #4



As some of you may know, my blog is currently off-line due to some problems at my previous site host. I'm working with my web master to rebuild and get back on-line.
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